Help! im desperate! Picky bird!

[anikafang]

Hi,
I have a Goffin Cockatoo. I've had him for about 3 years...Milo loves my step dad. He'll come to him automatically... but whenever i try to take him out of the cage he hides in his back corner. he wont even come near him. Yet im the one who takes care of him. i open his cage and let him play around the outside of it everyday and he climbs back in on his own. And my step dad is only home 3 days a week. I talk to Milo at least a hour a day. But whenever my step dad gets milo out milo will come to me. but will never climb on me. but he loves to chew on my hair. i dont know what to do....i love him but he just wont come to me. Any advice?
Thanks,
Stacey

[Michael]

I am betting that it's a combination of these 3 things that make your dad more appealing to your bird than you:

A) More confident
B) Positively Reinforcing
C) History

I could be wrong about these because I have heard very little of the background information but that is what is sounds like to me. However, I suspect that the bird is gravitating toward your step dad because he's not afraid of the bird and handles himself confidently. You're asking us for help rather than just going for it, so that implies that you are more careful and concerned.

Next, I think something your step dad is doing is more positively reinforcing. Cockatoos are very social birds so it is possible that the social interaction your step dad provides is more rewarding. See what he does and try to do more of that. Just because you clean the cage and spend more time with the bird does not mean it will like you better. It has no sense of appreciation for those sorts of things but mostly just cares about what it can get from you at the moment.

Finally what I mean by history is it sounds like this started happening more recently because you've said you had the cockatoo for 3 years. It seems like the bird has gotten used to you and knows it can get away with it. It probably knows what to expect and knows you're not gonna do much for it so it doesn't try.

I just reread what you wrote and noticed: "i open his cage and let him play around the outside of it everyday and he climbs back in on his own."

Yup, this definitely implies a lack of confidence on your part and the lack of positive reinforcement. You need to toughen up and be more proactive in your interaction and also you need to create situations where you are in control simultaneously where the situation is rewarding to the cockatoo.

For starters, you should check out my article about how to teach parrots to step up to come out of the cage. Secondly, you should observe your step dad and ask him to show you what he does with the bird. I bet you'll have a bit more success if you do what already works for your step dad.

[anikafang]

Well see I do the exact same thing he does but he won't come to me. So I kind of have to make it worth his while to come out? Like if he comes to me give him a treat? Thank you for your help! I guess I must get a back bone and show him I'm in charge. And stop being nervous lol

[Michael]

Not necessarily in charge though. You want to lead by example. If you can be more confident and controlled with the bird, it at least sets up a playing field where you can focus on the bird. Take yourself out of the equation. If you are scared of the bird, you can't start doing the right things.

Now I'm not saying to lure the bird but using treats is something you can do. Also, you have to do the things that make the bird comfortable and happy when it is out. Let's say you're the person that cleans the cage and every time you go to clean cage, you take bird out, put it in a carrier, and just leave it there while cleaning. While you may have spent a lot of effort cleaning that cage, the bird may perceive you in a bad way. These are the kinds of things you have to think about ever step of the way. Think about it from the bird's perspective. Ask yourself, if you were the parrot. why would you do what it is being asked?

For instance if the parrot seems to not want to come out, compare that to someone ringing your doorbell and asking you to come outside for no reason. You probably wouldn't do it. On the other hand if someone rang your doorbell and invited you to come outside and join an outdoor party/festival you'd want to go. Just remember that while they are smart, parrots are not as perceptive as humans. While you may be able to appreciate a "cleaning lady" to come to your house, kick you out, and then you come back to a clean place, the bird cannot connect the dots and give you credit for an hour of cleaning. The cockatoo is more short sited and wants to know what it can get in the moment. It can be food but doesn't have to be. Cockatoos love social attention, petting, talking, etc. See what it likes and do more of that when it does what you like. Like any relationship, it's give and take.

[TheNzJessie]

if your cockatoo has been hand raised, was he hand raised by a male or female? we had a 29 year old cockatoo who was handraised my a male with tattoos all over him but was cared for by a female his entire life. but always preferred males when they were around and was reluctant around females even his owner. but when a man with tattoos came into the pet store (who the cockatoo had never seen before in 2 years) starting dancing up and down and went up on his arm and kissed him and started to 'preen him'

what is he like if you are by your self? does he act differently between different genders?

[budgiebuddy]

i think that when you got him if your step dad was with you while you were withyour bird alot then mayby it binded to him more then you and now likes your step dad better cause when they get scared like times when they are just brought home they fin one person they like more then the rest and bond to that person it happens to dogs cats parrots maccaws big animals then something like a hampster a rat or a snake i might be wrong cause i am not an expert but that is my theory