Jealousy

[Eurycerus]

Hello,

So I've discussed before that my parrot is not well socialized. I take her when I go visit my folks or pretty much where ever I need to go and she is used to being around people when she's in her cage but not out. I realize I need to socialize her but I have no one to do it with so this is a bit of a pickle.

However, my question is actually slightly different. So my boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship so I see him every three weeks or so, so Nika has had minimal interaction. Four weeks ago we tried an interaction that ended with a bite to his face so definitely not good. I wasn't going to try out of cage interaction but Dave (my bf) was sleeping so I thought that was a good time to take Nika out. She was incredibly moody and generally a total b**** to me and continually stared angrily at Dave, so we had to end our time prematurely. Obviously severe jealousy and anger that Dave was around. When Dave comes to live around here he'll be over a lot, can she over time get used to his presence? or will she be jealous forever? To me it seems like she'd just get over it with more and more desensitization of him being around but I've read stories indicating this is not so. She does not have male specific aggression to my knowledge.

I didn't let her out again and we tried to do a little targeting for treats but she was aggressive. By the second day she targeted and received treats from him in her cage without aggression. They also "talked" with one another for a solid hour, it was pretty cute. Even though Dave still thinks she's a punk he was charmed by her vocalizations and they enjoyed that time together I believe.

Can jealous diminish or have I screwed myself?

Another part to this is I strongly believe in a flighted parrot and she's growing her wings out but I'm terrified that due to her limited socialization she will become a flying terror and potentially injure my roommate or anyone who might be over if she's out. I am slightly considering clipping until I can properly socialize her to ensure that she does not become an attack parrot. I desperately do not want to clip her and feel it's wrong but the safety of people in my house is priority too. I don't want to feel like I must cage her if anyone is around.

[pennyandrocky]

letting her wings grow will only help with biting birds who fly are more confident and will choose to fly away rather than biting.your boyfriend should go slowly talking to her next to her cage without reaching for her.then if she's calm try leaving the door open with a perch on the outside then move on to holding his hand out but still and letting her explore his hand on her own.this will take time though so both of you need to take it slow and not rush her.

[Eurycerus]

*She ran and then flew at his face. He was not extending a hand or attempting to touch or grab her in any way. This is why I am concerned. I have read Michael's reasoning that a flighted bird will bite less but not if the flighted bird is territorial and launches itself at an unsuspected innocent, or so I assume.

But I think that might be a good idea to just not allow her out but have Dave go to the door maybe with a treat and see if she is interested.

[liz]

So you say Dave doesn't have enough reflexes to put his hand in the way.

They may never be good buddys but can learn to be cordial. Tell him to keep his arms and legs covered to absorb some of the attack and to open his hand palm out to defend his face. He should never show a response. No yelling, no jerking out of the way. That will only encourage future attacks.

Rambo hated men and would attack them right at the door until a couple of my slow moving guy friends did not respond when he attacked. He no longer attacks men and even calls my friends by name.

[Eurycerus]

It was rather unexpected. I believe he thought she was coming over to say hi. I certainly didn't expect her reaction either. Your story makes me feel better. I think with patience she can learn tolerance. He will be around a lot and very likely we will live together as we've been together for three years. I just purchased and received an aviator harness so I'm hoping i can get her more used to being around people and in unusual circumstances.

I do think he's going to need to get but a few times preferably on the hand the next time in order top prove to her that he can handle her and her worst won't turn him away... I just wish there was something i could do other than just take her out to see people. I'm trying to connect up with parrot people and have then interact with nika so she gets used to it

[marie83]

From what I've read senegals are one person birds more so that alot of other species but you've seen from Michaels blogs and articles about Kili that this can be turned around to a certain degree.

I assume from what you've put that your boyfriend is interested in getting your sennie to accept him. I would get him reading Michaels articles to show him things can change and how to go about it. I would ask him to sit outside the cage for a while, just talking to her to start with then after a while offering treats to her. He can start target training her through the cage to start with so he feels safe. It will probably be best for him if you sit well away/stay in another room whilst he is working with her so she doesn't feel the need to protect you. When your boyfriend and bird feel ready, take nika into another room and leave her there, let your boyfriend go in and practice targetting which her- the neutral territory and your abcence should reduce the likelihood of attacks.

When your boyfriend feels more confident, he can start targetting her on and off of himself and then move on to step ups. When she is accepting of this he can try working with her with you in the same room at a distance.

If at any point things aren't working out go back a stage or two and start again. Whatever happens make sure your boyfriend knows not to react to negative behaviours and that he doesn't show fear, only confidence.


Good luck.

[Michael]

When Dave comes to live around here he'll be over a lot, can she over time get used to his presence? or will she be jealous forever? To me it seems like she'd just get over it with more and more desensitization of him being around but I've read stories indicating this is not so.

Just being honest, it doesn't look good. Senegals are smart enough and have long term enough of a memory to hold a grudge for years if they hate someone. First impressions are everything. I've never really been able to work things out between someone Kili had a bad first impression with and bit. I was only able to set up interactions right from the start with new people she had a clean slate with. I think with a lot of hard work and socialization it's possible to improve things but it's extremely hard if things weren't done right from the start and the bird is dead set against someone. The fact that this person diverts your time/attention away from the bird is even worse!

The very least you can work on now is extensive training solo with you so that you have something that other people can replicate. If the bird isn't even trained to you, others are really hopeless.

[Mona]

Some things:
A) Set interactions up for success. When your boyfriend is around, I would have him treat her through the cage bars. Until you feel comfortable, I would keep her caged when he is around.
B) Change the context in which the attack happened. Look at what directly preceded it and what followed it. Be careful not to replicate that. Sometimes the trigger isn't the person, but something in the environment. My senegal hen gets aggressive around long blonde hair and running water can also be a bit of a trigger. Also, the couch can up aggression levels so I generally, don't have them out when we are on the couch. I think the couch can trigger a nesting instinctive so if we are on the couch, I usually move the cages next to us so we can interact through the cage bars. When my blonde neices visit, I either don't let her out or ask them to wear hats....or just have them someplace I can keep an eye on both.
...Your boyfriend needs to be the bringer of "good things" in your Sennies eyes always. He can give her food dishes in the AM....hang favorite toys through her cage bars...whatever she enjoys. Handsoff trick training (like waves, turnarounds, etc.) are also really good for reinforcing an "only good things happen"
C) Attention can just be ambient. The bird can get a lot of benefit just hanging near your boyfriend but not ON him. The bird can watch what goes on in the cage and a lot of time, this gives the bird a lot of time to start to see him as a pretty easy going member of the flock. You and your boyfriend should be modelling a lot of calm, interactive, interesting behaviors for the bird to observe. Parrots are social creatures and a lot of behavior is normal flock stuff.

S

[liz]

Instead of taking your bird out to socialize - invite more of your friends over to visit you.

Like I said, Rambo used to attack men. When my mother had Hospice we had people coming into the house everyday and sometimes 3 times a day. At first we held Rambo when a man would come in. After a while he learned the sound of their vehicles and knew who was coming through the door. Women he would greet at the door like the dogs. Men he would run down the hall and sit in Mom's room while they were here. They called him her guard parrot.

The first time EMS came to help me pick her up when she fell on the floor. Rambo followed them down the hall yelling. After that when he heard her fall he would just go to her and wait for the EMS guys and tell them hello when they came in.

Word spred and Rambo is well known in this county. He has had many cell phone pictures taken and passed around.

It is not impossible. Scared little Myrtle now believes everyone coming in the front door is a friend and she will fly to them. Even when the chaplain comes to visit once a month.

[Eurycerus]

Thank you for taking the time to respond everyone. I will ensure that he does all the good fun things when he's around and pay that over a few months she learns that he's pretty wonderful. I'm hopeful with a bit of pessimism. Here goes nothing!