Spouse issues.

[Elaihr]

Sigh. Spouses are so much more troublesome than parrots Mine (my boyfriend) loves Penny if he's had a good day at work. If he's had a bad day at work, she's a spoiled, uncontrollable pest.

Humans...

[Kaiit]

It's difficult to comment on the matter at hand because personal opinions vary so drastically. I've always just brought home different animals since I was waaay too young to be legally buying them (it's 16 in the UK) and my parents just grew to accept that. When I moved out and met my boyfriend, he knew he'd have to accept that, too. And though he might protest he actually enjoys having the animals around. He told me, before the parrot, "If you bring that bird home I am leaving!" He's still here. I've got him training the parrot as well, especially when I'm not about (for obvious reasons, they bond better together without me there) and so parrot accepts two people living with him and boyfriend accepts parrot is staying. Forever. :>

I don't like hearing about children around birds though, at least not until they are old enough to have accurate hand-eye co-ordination. All birds bite, and a bad experience with a bird as a child could put her off for life.

Also, it just doesn't sound like a good idea to me to be bringing a bird into a family with one member adamant that he will never like said bird. It's a lot of negative focus to an innocent who can't understand why. And to be subjecting your husband to a potentially hurtful animal isn't really fair on him.

Having said that, he should have accepted the way you feel. You've either got it or you haven't when it comes to animals, and to someone who has not got "it", he will never be able to understand your connection. But that doesn't mean he can't just accept that it's the way you are.

I pick animals every time, but that's just the person I am. I am lucky to have never been in a relationship where my partner has not liked animals - in fact, it's something that attracts me to a person in the first place!

tl;dr: Maybe wait until your child is older and talk about it with him, then? I agree with what others have said, there's no point in falling out over it.

Also, it's very interesting to hear about how everyone else lives with partner/parrot!

[marie83]

My animals will always come first, any man who came into my life would know that's not negotiable from the very start. However since you have a daughter with this man she needs to come first and falling out with him to the point of divorce is not an option. You really need to find out exactly what his issues are, pretty much anything can be worked around- supervision and child proofing. You say you suspect he was jealous of the attention the animas got? Why is it any different for your daughter, i'm sure you pay her just as much attention if not more but he shares the bond oo so maybe he just felt excluded with the animals?

[Calthesa]

I know I'm going to get a lot of people hating me over this and I'll regret saying it, but please don't feel that children are a reason to stay married. Studies do show that while divorce is hard on a child in the short-term (1-2 years), there do not seem to be any long-term effects when children are compared to those in married households. This has nothing to do with the bird problem, I'm just throwing that out there.

Also, the fact that your child is still young is a good thing really because you can spare her the pain of knowing your marriage is ending. If you would absolutely get a divorce without a child in the picture, you should still get one with a child. Of course, this is banking on the fact that you have both tried to resolve your issues first and are not being immature and stubborn about something stupid, but if you tried and it doesn't work out, divorce is better than your kid growing up in a miserable situation that will probably end in divorce anyways.

On that note, I'm not sure how I would actually handle this problem since my animals come first and my knee-jerk reaction is to kick anyone who says otherwise out the door so I can't imagine being in your shoes. However, if the only issue your having is about the bird, I say try to work it out. Come to an agreement whether that is to wait until the child is older or to put up proper safety precautions now.

But, if you feel this argument is the last straw or just the tip of the iceberg, I would say you should really think about your marriage and don't let anyone guilt you into staying if you don't want to. A pet is not a stupid reason to end a marriage if it's important to you. Your reasons are legitimate because they are yours. Trust yourself, think things through, and decide.

[KimberlyAnn]

I don't think anyone will hate you for your views or for speaking your mind, but I am curious what studies you are seeing. I have not seen any that state a divorce only affects a child in the first 1-2 years and does not show a difference between a child of divorce and a child of married parents. It can have an effect on trust, commitment, goals, and a range on other things. Statistics do show now, that the child of divorced parents run a higher risk of going through a divorce themselves. This number is expected to increase as the number of divorce in our society has also increased. It really does depend on the situation though, how it will affect the child. But if we are just speaking statistics, parents who do divorce can have a higher rate of trust and commitment issues.

I'm not trying to put anyone down by saying this, after all...I did get a divorce and I am remarried. I am also a child of divorce. I know many people who are divorced and come from divorced parents. I deal with them daily in my line of work. There are long term affects and they do go past 1-2 years. If you can't work things out while married, it's harder to work it out when apart. Although, it can be done if both parties cooperate which is rare. Plus, you have the major disruption of going back and forth to two homes. The parents don't have to do this in divorce and I don't think anyone would chose to live their lives switching back and forth between homes. Children thrive in an environment where they have constancy. We fight for that as a society, in our schools for good reason. To not have the same thing in our home, can be detrimental to the child.

The age of the child also is a factor. The stage of development for a very young child is trust verses mistrust. The first seven years of a child's life, has direct impact on who that child will be. It is a great myth that it's better if a divorce happens while they are young, it's just harder to spot because they have no choice, but to except it. They cannot understand it, but they do have a higher risk of it affecting how they will manage their own relationships later. My parents divorced when I was 15. It was hard, but I am thankful that I did get to grow up seeing two people in love. There were fights, but I also saw conflict resolution. Some bad and some good. What I never saw was other relationship come and go. I didn't have to live through others coming into my life stepping into parental roles when I had two parents. Yes, I'm a step parent and I have a great relationship with my step kids, but I'm really empathetic for them. My own divorce? I don't think I was equipped to handle that one. I left because of his drinking and abuse. Both things I didn't have to deal with as a child. Thankfully I felt free to go as I had no children and if I did, I would have still left...with my children.

Anytime a marriage can be worked out with kids involved, that's the best outcome for the child and the adults. When it can't happen, divorce will happen. It's not fun and it's not easy. But yes, it can be done. There is just many more risks involved in most cases. It's something that takes a lot of thought before it's done. Children are the future of our society and we must consider them in decisions like this. I feel that when you have a child, you kinda give up some right to do what you think will make you feel better. Your job is raising them and giving them the best chance to survive. Commitment, trust, and stability is very important to our survival in our society.

But all that being said, I do agree with you...you can divorce with children. Sometimes it's better. It just depends on the situation.