When should you think about rehoming a bird?

[Wolf]

I read your PM before this. I understand your confusion in this matter as you are searching for something new to be the cause of the problems that you are having. But the thing is that it does not have to be anything new. It could just as easily be something that has been going on for a while that has been building up. I am going back over everything that you have posted to see what I come up with.

[Maltee]

Yeah, I understand. You are probably right, and there is some way we are handling her that is contributing to her behavior and we just don't realize it.

[Pajarita]

Some may disagree, but if my tame bird tried to be aggressive towards me I'd tell it off.

Mine used to scream alot for no real reason (seemed to just enjoy the sound of it's own voice) my neighbours would have eventually asked me to rehome my birds so I yelled back at them for a few minutes, I haven't had a problem since.

My male Sennie attacked me and caused a small cut milimeters above my eye, my family was horrified and claimed that I should put him in a cage before I recieved a worse attack. I ignored them, put glasses on, immediately put him back on my shoulder and prevented him from leaving my shoulder for over an hour (if a horse throws you off get straight back on). A year on, he no longer draws blood.

My sennies sometimes have snapped at me when I put food in their bowls, I just tell them to MOVE!! which they usually do. On the odd occasion that one's actually bitten me I've scooped it up, held the bird close and gently told it to calm down, not letting go until the bird stops growling/trying to bite.

If my bird growled at me from inside the cage, I would just say STOP and the bird would generally stop growling.

If it was a bird I didn't know I'd walk over to the cage and lean against the cage, calmly watching the bird until it stopped growling, by ignoring the bird you're doing what it wants- Leaving it alone, if you stare at it everytime it growls, it may decide it isn't getting the correct responce and stop.

The point is, by backing off and ignoring or leaving the situation for a while you're rewarding the bird by showing that it scared/upset you.

You don't need to try to be boss with the bird, you just need to let it know that you're not scared of it and you're not going to tolerate aggressive behaviour. NEVER hit or physically hurt a bird as their bones are fairly brittle and the bird will actually become more aggressive if it's scared of you.

Anyways that's my two cents, hope it was helpful, .

Every single thing you have mentioned you do with your birds is a form of flooding. Very bad techniques.

[Pajarita]

I don't see anything 'missing'. The problem is simple, it's breeding season (yes, it started in March) and she regards your husband as her human and you as the interloper who is threatening her relationship with him. Who feeds her or cleans her cage has nothing to do with this. Parrots are not like dogs, they will bite the hand that feeds them and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. And there isn't! Food and good care are not reasons for them to be 'grateful' and show it, it's their due and they don't need to 'pay' for it with love or acceptance.

There are ways to get her to accept you as a flock member but I doubt she will ever bond with you while your husband is around so, if this is what you are looking for, rehoming her would be the solution. People tend to look at rehoming a bird the same way they regard rehoming a dog but it's not the same thing. Anybody can bond with a dog as long as you show him love but parrots are not like that. They love you or they don't love you and, in most cases, it's just a matter of chemistry. I have a parrot (Pookey, female TAG) which adores my husband to the point that I am always threatening her that I will rehome her because she drives me crazy escaping the birdroom 4 and 5 times a day and flying all over the house looking for him (a dangerous thing to do because I also have dogs and cats and retrieving her means going up and down the stairs each time which, added to the 78 times I do it everyday becomes a pain in the neck!). And I am the one that has been doing all the feeding and caring for the 7 years she has been with us while my husband says three words to her every other day and she still prefers him to me to the point that if I try to take her away from him, she would bite the heck out of me. It's the way they are. Now, I have no aggression issues with Pookey but then she never sees me touching my husband so, as far as she is concerned, we are not a couple but just two humans who live together (LOL)

Rehoming works great for parrots as long as the new owner knows what they are doing. This is basically because the bird will have 'lost' her mate and will be receptive to another one which can very well be the new owner. I have taken in birds that attacked the chosen one's spouse (and children) mercilessly but they are just fine with me. All of them without exception. So it does work and, although the bird does miss his old chosen one, they are quite pragmatic about loss and life and, eventually, will bond either with another bird or another person. And, with three of them, I've been able to do it in a matter of a couple of days because if a sweet-tempered bird bonds with one human, he/she will bond with another one real fast. It's the ones that have been abused and lost their trust in humans that are hard, not the ones that love one human and hate another because of jealousy.

Now, if you want to try to become a flock member, you need to never allow her to see you and your husband together. This is only at the beginning, eventually, you will be able to but you might never be able to hug, kiss, etc in front of her. You need to let her out but you don't need to 'take her out of her cage, just open the door and walk away. She needs to feel that you and her are equals (flock members) and that you are not trying to impose a relationship on her that she doesn't want so don't presume on her affections and don't ask her for anything (you already reached this conclusion on your own and let her do things her own way, according to your posting, so you are going in the right direction, you only have to 'intensify' this by adopting this attitude all the time) . Parrots do things for us because they love us so, if there is no love lost, they won't want to do anything we ask them to and that's why she 'listens' to your husband and not to you. I know you said that she attacks you but what you need to do is find the way to prevent the attacks - like, if she always flies to your head from the front, keep one eye on her and simply duck when she comes straight at you. If she goes for your feet, wear a long skirt or a towel tucked in your waist and hanging all the way down. Now, if she bites you when you put your finger to her to step up, just don't do it. If she bites you when you stick your hand in her cage, stop doing it (clean her cage in the evening when your husband is home and he can keep her away from the room where her cage is).

See where I'm going? Now, it will take time, persistence and patience because now you have to 'shift' from interloper to buddy instead of starting off with a blank slate but if you do it right, it will happen.

[Wolf]

After looking through all of the posts that you have made and seeing the aggression esculate from when you got her on up to now when she is 2 yrs. old, I am also thinking that this is a combination of puberty and jealousy.
I have read about the lack of attention and not taking the time to gain her trust as well as the lack of training and they all play an important role in what is happening here. But, the most common threads running through this are that due to you having a baby, you did not have the time to give her any real attention from her view. And the increasing aggression which I can only attribute to jealousy.
I have already posted about taking the time to work with her by just talking to her for 15 min. a couple of times a day to help her learn that you can be trusted, while not asking anything from her. After reading what Pajarita has had to say, I think that her advice would help you greatly, I certainly can't think of anything better to try given the circumstances.

[Maltee]

Pajarita, your explanation makes a lot of sense. I thought it was probably a combination of hormones + "one person bird" aggression. Your description of Pookey sounds a lot like my pionus. From the very beginning, she loved my husband, even if he might do no more than say "hi" to her when he gets home!

You said that you've adopted birds that had one person bird aggression and that you don't have a problem with them. Was there something you did to prevent them from developing the same problem of one-person-bird aggression with your family? I am concerned that IF I were to rehome her, the same problem would just happen all over again and she'd end up getting passed around the rest of her life.

Now, if you want to try to become a flock member, you need to never allow her to see you and your husband together. This is only at the beginning, eventually, you will be able to but you might never be able to hug, kiss, etc in front of her.

Unfortunately, it would not be possible for her to never see us together unless I move her cage. Currently, it's in the living room, which is one big open room along with the kitchen and front door (gotta love those open floor plans). The only other place to move her cage is to the finished basement. However, the basement doesn't get a lot of natural light, and I rarely go down there during the day. I thought it would be better for her to stay in the living room, where she gets light from the windows and can see me throughout the day. Even if she doesn't like me, I thought it would be better for her to see me around than not, or she might feel abandoned. What do you think, should she stay or would it be better to put her in the basement temporarily?

I know you said that she attacks you but what you need to do is find the way to prevent the attacks - like, if she always flies to your head from the front, keep one eye on her and simply duck when she comes straight at you. If she goes for your feet, wear a long skirt or a towel tucked in your waist and hanging all the way down. Now, if she bites you when you put your finger to her to step up, just don't do it. If she bites you when you stick your hand in her cage, stop doing it (clean her cage in the evening when your husband is home and he can keep her away from the room where her cage is).

When I let her out of her cage, she will get aggressive and fly at me from across the room. I can easily duck to avoid her and she'll land on the ground, but she'll turn and fly at me again and again until I either catch her with my hands (and receive several deep bites), or if there is a towel nearby, towel her and return her to inside her cage. I am not sure what exactly sets her off, or if it's anything at all. But one of my thoughts is that she attacks me because she thinks that any time I come by, I am going to return her to inside her cage (which she obviously does not want).

I just got so fed up with being attacked every day while going about my business and I couldn't handle it anymore and don't let her out. Last time I tried letting her out (just yesterday...I thought she might be good, but I was wrong), she was out for barely 5 minutes before she turned on me. It was a huge drama with trying to catch her, being bitten several times, and the baby getting scared and screaming and crying. I just can't handle that every day.

I have already posted about taking the time to work with her by just talking to her for 15 min. a couple of times a day to help her learn that you can be trusted, while not asking anything from her. After reading what Pajarita has had to say, I think that her advice would help you greatly, I certainly can't think of anything better to try given the circumstances.

I try to continue talking to her throughout the day. If she's not being too aggressive, sometimes I feed her fruit into her bowl. I'm hoping she will eventually calm down once it's no longer spring time.

[Wolf]

Do the 15 minute session like once in the morning and once in the evening. go into the room and approach her cage until she starts to react to you and stop and talk to her from there. These sessions are important to reassure her and to winning her trust. because you are there trying to interact but you are not doing anything that could be threatening to her. Whereas, the talking to her in passing doesn't do this, it only tells her that you are aware of her.
She may still come about that she can see you at the same time but not in a manner that would be considered together, but it might be at a little slower pace. The sessions may be able to get you to the point of being able to safely let her out. It is also possible that making her wait until your husband comes home to get out is just the perfect thing to do for a while. She keeps saying that she doesn't want to deal with you, so you could give her what she wants and see if that calms her down any.

[Maltee]

Okay, thanks. That sounds like a good idea. I'll try that. Today I did not let her out during the day, but after my husband came home I had him take her downstairs to fly a little bit and for some training. The breeder said her puberty stage should last another year...so hopefully I can survive through this part until she calms down.