This can't be happening

[marie83]

OMG I'm so lost at the moment. I've only just heard so I'm a bit all over the place. In a blind panic tbh. Gutted, broken hearted would be an inadequate way to describe how I feel.

I have provisions for my birds in the event of my death or unable care for them in the event of long term serious illness or injury but I'm now faced with the the probability of having to rehome all my babies, not just the birds in the next few weeks or months if I can't think of a solution.

As most of you probably know I suffer pretty darn badly with allergies, I can just about manage them with good care- various medications, good hygiene practices, spraying cages down before I clean them etc. But I am always ill, tired, itchy despite all that, I struggle with sleeping and eating at times because I sneeze so often.

This past year my boyfriends child developed allergies which are much much worse than mine. The hospital have been doing loads of tests during this time due to the severity of the reactions. Today we have received an extensive list of triggers ranging from mild to severe reactions- all animals being severe and the advice being complete avoidance. I can't expect such a young person to just live with it like I do, besides that my bfs ex would never allow it.

My first thoughts are to take the animals and run, this is the panic in me and complete devastation. It would kill my relationship and I have nowhere to go to, I don't earn enough atm to rent somewhere.
More practically I need to talk to the doctors myself, we probably can't arrange that til after Xmas anyway so I don't need rehome my family before Xmas.

I feel so numb like my whole world's just exploded before my eyes apart from my home. At the same time my thoughts are out of control I'm thinking a thousand different scenarios in a few minutes. I can't settle on one thing and think it through rationally at the moment.

[Wolf]

What about setting up a bird room for them with a couple of air purifiers and a lock on the door so that children can't go in. It might work as long as they are not around each other.

[cml]

I am so sorry for you Marie, and I feel your pain. I dont have a solution, but you have my sympathies .

I too would be completely lost and devasted, and I dont have a clue as to what to do.

[cml]

A temporary solution for the following weeks and over christmas could be what Wolf is suggesting, put all animals in one room and get purifiers and keep the door locked. However, this is not a practical long term solution and might not be a solution that your boyfriend agrees with, or that his ex doesnt give you and him grief over.

Not everyone is understanding about animals, as we are here on the forum.

One idea - if you live in a house is to get a smaller building in the backyard, add heat and move the animals there. Expensive, but might work.

Another idea is to get purifiers for pretty much every room in the house, but with severe allergies that might not be enough - its hard to tell before trying. I have dust allergies myself, and the best investment in my health I've done is a robot vacuum cleaner that vacuums the entire appartment everyday when I am at work. This is enough for me.

Another solution, but to me (and I am sure to you as well) pretty much unthinkable solution is rehoming. I dread to think about this. Is it possible to TEMPORARILY rehome your animals to a friend or family, until you've had time to work out a GOOD long term solution?

My only concrete advice, that I think is really really important is to sit down and discuss this with your BF and dont make any drastic or quick actions. You both need to think this through and work on a practical and good long term solution. It would proabably be good if your BF also calms his ex so that she doesnt give you grief while working on this.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and your flock Marie!

[Wolf]

Cml is offering some very good and sound advice, especially as regards not making any hasty decisions. I also agree that your bf should have a voice in your final decision. I do not envy you or the situation that you find yourself in. This is made harder due to the health issues involved as well as the very fickleness of human relationships and with the particular bonding between you and your animals rehomeing is an extremely difficult choice to face due to the negative effects on the animals and yourself. No, I do not envy you on this at all, there must be a better way than this, and the difficulty is in the finding of it.
I too, thought of the possibility of a separate building and in my thought a separate room that can bee sealed off is cheaper and would serve the same purpose, but then I don't have the allergies to contend with. I can't help but to think that there must be a reasonable solution to this that does not include rehomeing your animals.

[marie83]

Thank you for the kind replies.

Unfortunately we don't have enough rooms. We are limited to 2 bedrooms and a living room. We are in a rented flat so can't add rooms.
The only thing that might work that I can think of is if the doctors and mother allow it is to get a smaller bed, move the wardrobes out into the kids room and move the pets in our room. I'm not sure this will be allowed though, he is on a very heavy dose of anti histamines, steroid injections and creams but also an immune system suppressants which means he is always ill from everything else too. The allergies are still highly problematic although slightly improved.

I feel completely selfish, I never wanted kids let alone somebody else's so I cannot get my head round how this has even happened. Obviously now I love them to bits and they are part of my family too. Someone else said if they were my own blood then I would rehome my little zoo without question but I don't think that is true

[Wolf]

I feel completely selfish, I never wanted kids let alone somebody else's so I cannot get my head round how this has even happened. Obviously now I love them to bits and they are part of my family too. Someone else said if they were my own blood then I would rehome my little zoo without question but I don't think that is true

Whomever said such a cold, hardhearted thing as this to you obviously doesn't have much understanding of the nature of your feeling or the nature of the bonding that exists between yourself and these animals.
There have been periods in my life where I have had to live in my truck because of no pets or children allowed rules that were in effect. My Lady and I tried to rent a 3 bedroom house for Her, myself and I dog but could not because of a no kids or pets rule. We eventually made a down payment on a small house and have never again rented. It ended up being cheaper to buy than to rent, by at least $300 per month. This is still the current trend in the rural area in which we live to this very day.
My animals are such an integral part of my life that I could not be happy without them, so giving them up is a thing that just will not happen. Not for a place to live or for the company of another human or any other "reason" which may exist, but that is me.
How old is the child? Has anyone taken a close look at the child's diet? It could be that the various chemicals found in nearly all processed foods today are the actual culprit fueling his/ her allergies and not the animals. I have seen this to be the case in some instances. It is one of the main reasons that we garden and that I hunt and fish, it is also why I refuse any food item containing soy products.
Allergies are difficult, especially since one allergy can mascaraed as one or more other ones, but be some totally different allergy altogether. This is a very difficult place to be in, I wish there were some way that I could help you with this. Un fortunately, all I can do is try to be here for you, and wish only the best for you and yours. I really wish, I knew the way through this for you, but I don't. This really, really sucks!!!

[liz]

Your first thought was to take your birds and run but you had no where to go.
You never wanted to be a parent and especially not of another child.

You are answering your own questions. You are thinking of giving up you babies for the security that you BF provides. I have been married 3 times and security does not exist. According to the Bible a wife is to submit to her husband. I did and changed everything to what he wanted. When we divorced I had nothing left of my own but my children.

Think into the future. If he does not provide the security you need you could end up alone and without your babies.

Search for a solution beyond your BF. Don't give up what you love.

[marie83]

Thanks wolf, it is much the same here- cheaper to pay a mortgage than to rent. No bank would touch my partner and I though as he has a bad credit history and I have a wage that fluctuates too much due to being in the process of setting up my own business. If we did I would be quite happy to have an outhouse converted or an extension built with no internal door- I would go live in it myself if that was what was needed. I don't know how fair I would be on the animals anyway, they are used to being in the living room and are out all day apart from 2-6 hours depending on my bf and my own working hours. I worry if they were in another room that they wouldn't get as much interaction and I certainly couldn't trust them all out together if there wasn't someone in the room- Ollie can be a bully. The rabbits the same, he has the run of the large living room currently and prefers to pick and choose when he interacts with us.

I'm same as well if worst comes to the worst I'm going to be bloody miserable without my feathered and furry family or I'm going to be bloody miserable without my bf and the kids... I cant win.

Regarding his son the hospital have already referred him to the diet/nutrition expert I've no idea how long it will take. Either way I'm pretty sure his mother wont let us risk trying certain things out anyway and since there are multiple other factors at play it would be impossible for us to prove whether he had been in contact with or avoided a different trigger- if it was just pet allergies it would be much easier to suss out what works and what doesn't. I need to talk to the docs and his mum, see what they are willing to try or not try I cant see it doing any good though because she has caused problems over much less....

[marie83]

Your first thought was to take your birds and run but you had no where to go.
You never wanted to be a parent and especially not of another child.

You are answering your own questions. You are thinking of giving up you babies for the security that you BF provides. I have been married 3 times and security does not exist. According to the Bible a wife is to submit to her husband. I did and changed everything to what he wanted. When we divorced I had nothing left of my own but my children.

Think into the future. If he does not provide the security you need you could end up alone and without your babies.

Search for a solution beyond your BF. Don't give up what you love.

Liz I get what your saying, a relationship does not have security.
That said I love him, I love his kids. I was without him for a time last year and I was broken.

I love my birds, rabbit and even the mice, losing them will break me too. They wont be around forever either. Harlie is 8-10 (we think its the younger end) years old, the rabbit is middle aged, the mice are middle-old aged. There's only Ollie really who is still a youngster at almost 5 years old.

I wouldn't be choosing security of staying in a relationship- I would be choosing not to drag my pets out onto the streets, I cannot take care of them there
If I give up on my business and get a full time job it could take too long and I wont be around enough hours to care for them properly either. Then there is the issue of finding a rental that allows so many pets. In this country there aren't many places that will take them- even in cages.

Impossible choice and all I can do is pray I wont have to