When the fids prefer mommy, how to keep a happy flock?

[entrancedbymyGCC]

So... I don't know if I did something wrong and encouraged Scotty to bond to me more than I should have, or if it is simply his choice/his preference, but we now have a flock in which both birds prefer me to my husband. Scotty has even gotten somewhat aggressive with my husband -- he bit him yesterday when Bill insisted he step up and come out (probably not the best decision, but Scotty is not afraid and he does know the command), and while he likes me to scratch his head and neck, he gets worried and nippy when Bill reaches behind or over his head -- and he was supposed to be Bill's project. Scooter just hides in his tent or "runs away" when Bill opens the cage door. I think in his case it might be kind of a game. In Scotty's case, he may be becoming possessive of me, and also I suspect he may have had some bad experiences with a man. I know Bill feels sad about it, and since I'm the newbie bird owner it is a bit ironic. There's a lot of good information here on dealing with getting the bird to have a BETTER relationship with the less-preferred person, but not much about how to keep the less-preferred person happy with the situation! And I don't know if it is possible to make the less preferred person become the preferred person.

I am afraid I probably haven't helped the situation up to this point because I'm rather besotted with the bird. I quite love him, and I'm flattered that he talks to me and wants me to take him out and pet him... it's hard to resist. And Bill is actually afraid Scotty will become unhappy and/or start plucking or something if I stop handling him entirely. He says if the bird is happy, he is happy... but it isn't really the truth! I also think it will be hard for me to make suggestions about changing handling strategies because I'm the novice. OTOH, he recognizes that I've been studying up and am more current in some ways than he is, even though I have little experience. We are both Ph.D. scientists, which I think makes it a little easier to deal with that part of the equation.

I'm considering some of the following actions:
1) Not taking Scotty out at all, making him reliant on Bill to get out and about. Even more drastic (and probably not Bill's preference) making Bill also feed, clean the cage, hang the toys... currently I have the "mom" role in that respect. I do often have him put the fresh food into the cage, though).

2) Not feeding nuts in the cage, but having him only get them by hand and from Bill.

3) Suggesting Bill retrain step up and come out using lots of treats. He doesn't believe in physical punishment, but he does believe in time outs, which I'm not convinced are constructive in general and especially in this case.

4) Suggest Bill take more of a wait for the bird attitude. Bill is more apt than I am to impose himself, to push the envelope... perhaps they prefer a softer approach? But I don't want to spoil the bird either.

5) Getting rid of the rest of the bookcases in the office to make room for another cage and seeking a young bird with no history for Bill. It could even be not yet weaned as he has done hand-feeding before.

Any comments, suggestions? Help!

[pchela]

I will say that birds do know who is taking care of them. I really think, whether he likes it or not, that you hubby might have to step in and take over mom duties including changing papers and cleaning cages and not just some of the time either. They know who is keeping them clean and fed. For the most part, the person who does all of the not so fun chores is also the person the bird loves most.

Having hubby be the only one to give nuts is a good idea as well.

As for getting hubby an unweaned baby, I'd say that's not a good idea for lots of reasons, one being that it does not guarantee a close bond with the hand feeder. A new baby might be a good idea, but again, it will be moot if hubby leaves all of the basic care and cleaning to you. Likely the new bird would bond to you as well as the main caregiver.

[Kathleen]

Start by conditioning the birds that contact with his hands means getting a treat (approach the bird, and right before it reacts aggressively, reward, and then go further and further, increase duration, and be able to touch the bird and then grab the bird with a reward). He needs to learn body language and not force contact with the bird if the bird is communicating aggressively. Set the bird and person up for success. Do some trick training. Have him cue trick behaviors and reward the birds. Have him use the bird's absolute favorite treat and the bird only can obtain it by contact with him. Have him handle the bird in order to get a mega reward: going back into the cage with a meal waiting or have him put in the meal in the process of putting the bird back.

Read this article, and have him read this article too: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1528

By the way, I don't suggest getting another bird. Most likely, it will just be a repeat of the situation you already have. And I don't think birds don't care about who does cage cleaning.

[entrancedbymyGCC]

Any idea how to train hubby?

[pchela]

Haha! I can't help you there but if you figure it out please let me know!

[ptuga72]

usually incessant nagging or a beer works for mine

[Kathleen]

These kinds of things require every bit of change of the trainer's/owner's behavior, changing the bird's environment....the bird's general behavior will follow these changes as it learns. The key to an improved bond with an animal is understanding how the animal is motivated and using that to shift its behavior in the direction you want. He's probably more reluctant to spend time with the birds if they've been biting (they've taught him to stay away from him if he does). Things will probably just get worse.....

[entrancedbymyGCC]

Kathleen, you are not cheering me up! I was hoping to try to gently redirect things before they get too far out of whack.

I should say that things are not THAT bad -- he does successfully interact with both birds. They will both go willingly from me to him. He sits and watches TV with them perched on his arm. For a while he was handling Scooter very little because of the quarantine thing, but we are at the one month mark, so it's getting easier for both of us to handle both birds.

I was mostly kidding about getting a third bird, but... I do think I wound up handling Scotty during a key period in his adjustment as my hubby was out of town for a week. And then I didn't stop doing so when he got home because I was having fun. I may have been a bit selfish. I also think more birds come with an anti-male bias than an anti-female bias and that Scotty may have developed one while he was at the store. Certainly his best friend there was a female.

Since we are only four weeks into this and he's just starting to really demonstrate this bias, is it really late in the game to "fix it"?

[ptuga72]

Since we are only four weeks into this and he's just starting to really demonstrate this bias, is it really late in the game to "fix it"?

I don't think it is. Parrots live so long, a four week period is only a blink of eye to them. If you and Bill modify your behavior, Scotty will follow. I think you will have to give Bill lots of encouragement so he remembers that he is doing this for him and Scotty. He sounds like a reasonable guy, once his hurt feelings subside I'm sure he'll be willing to do what's necessary.

[Kathleen]

Sorry if you misunderstood but I meant things will probably get worse if changes aren't made. You have to forfeit some of the things that you motivate the birds with, and let him do those things. Share. If you try the steps I summarized for you here and the steps in the article I linked, the birds will enjoy spending time with him, he will enjoy spending time with them, and both will be more confident around and trusting of each other.