Major Changes -- I need Advice!!!

[Elizabeth]

Hello Everyone,

My CAG has been acting up, and our household is about to be turned upside down, and I need advice....

I brought Bamboo home 12 1/2 years ago. He was still being hand fed. Boo has been my good boy and a beloved member of our "flock,' which has consisted of my husband, myself, and a variety of Boo's pet dogs

Over the years Bamboo has had his adventures. He enjoyed going to the bird sitter because he loved being around the other birds. When we could, we brought him with us on our travels, and he has driven across the country with us more than once.

When I brought Boo home, it was for life. But I never imagined that I would be in the spot I am in now.

About two years ago, Boo started to shriek loudly at times, and started to bite me occasionally. I tried to reverse this by giving him extra attention and reward good behavior, but it only got worse. He also frequently exhibited mating behavior with our Labrador when she was fast asleep on the floor. I have been concerned that he really needed a bird mate, but with cutbacks at work, we couldn't afford another pet.

Now, fast forward to one year ago -- I discovered that my husband had been "hooking up" with my best friend for the previous six years. It took eleven unhappy months, but I have finally accepted that I must get out of the marriage.

I am currently looking for a modest apartment to move into in August. Bamboo is my pet, and our lab must stay with my husband. For years I worked from home, but now I am starting a new job in an office, so boo will be all alone during the day. I found a safe apartment building where they accept parrots, as long as there are no noise complaints.

But I am unsure what to do. Are Boo's bad habits because he is in need of a mate, or has he been picking up on a vibe in the home? (we never really fought...). Is it cruel to leave him home all alone all day now? I'm afraid he will disturb my neighbors, and I do not know what I would do then...

I love him so much that I would give him to a better home that had other Greys, but it must be a wonderful forever home for him; and can I trust a stranger??

I recently went to a primate sanctuary where they also rescue parrots and give them a forever home outside in large aviaries. Sadly, there were many Greys. Most of them were just hanging out quietly, but there was one new arrival, who still had clipped wings. He was trying frantically to get out to the people visiting the place. It broke my heart, I won't send Boo there.

Any advice is appreciated. If he had a mate, would he have a better life? If Boo moves with me, what can I do to encourage him to stop screaming?

I want to do the right thing for my boy.

Thanks for reading this long post.

-- E

[marie83]

Definitely stop giving him attention when he screams/bites as this will only make matters worse as you have discovered. just carry on with whatever you were doing and don't even glance at him.

Bear in mind that if you do get him a 'mate' then it may not turn out that way, he may hate any newcomer, especially if he is hand raised and imprinted on people. I've heard greys can be pretty sensitive and jealous towards other birds, however you say he has had other pets around so he may be ok. Would you have time to give 2 birds loads of attention seperately if they can't stand each other? Can you afford a second cage? vet bills? extra toys?

For the moment I would put your efforts into adding as much enrichment into his life as possible, place his cage half over a window so he can see out but still hide behind the wall if he wants privacy. Lots of toys, things to destroy, foraging opportunites. If practical maybe turn one room into a room he can be free in all day with his cage in, a playstand and lots of things to do to give him more space. If not practical a radio or tv on a timer to give him some background noise in the day but also a quiet period to have a nap.

I would have a word with your neighbours as well, tell them your aware he can make alot of noise, you are concerned that it may affect them and tell them your working on reducing it and ask if they can be patient. You can also see what rooms your best to set up his cage in so he is furthest away from where your neighbours spend most of their time. If you get the first word in and explain the situation rather than wait for them to complain there is more chance of them accepting thats how it is for a while and having sympathy with you..

[terri]

Hi Im sorry for your situation My advice this is your bird make it work.You have no idea what his life might be like if your not the there.Maries advice is always logical start there! Good luck

[Elizabeth]

Thank You so much!

Talking to the neighbors is a great idea. Then if they have a problem they are more likely to come to me instead of building management (in my area people tend not to know their neighbors).

My apartment will most likely be a studio, so no extra rooms unfortunately.

I won't be getting Boo a companion myself - that's just not possible. I just wonder if his behavior is linked to romantic frustration. If so, is it cruel to keep him solo?

I know how sensitive Grey's are-- I wonder if he was picking up on our family discord even before I did.

I have been trying to keep him busy and make sure he has lots of things to shred. I don't want him to be unhappy.

- E

[Elizabeth]

My advice this is your bird make it work. You have no idea what his life might be like if your not the there.

Terri, thank you for that -- you are so right! I have been saying that it is fortunate that I have no children that will be affected by the divorce, but that is not really true, is it?
I'm going to be a single Bird Mom now, and will have to do the best I can for 'us.'

-- E

[Grey_Moon]

Usually, as sexually frustrated parrot is that way because of triggers. With the lab out of the picture and you moving to a new place basically you and he have a chance to establish a whole new routine and relationship.

There will be a period of a few days to weeks where because he's unsure in a new place he'll be on his 'best behaviour'---take that time to start a new routine, establish a connection and set some groundrules.

It is entirely likely that he was biting you because he picked up on what was going on in the house---more to the point the energy both you and your former partner were subconsciously projecting. It made him feel defensive and uneasy. IF not, like I said, with an entirely new territory, his 'mate' gone and the flock rearranging itself he will be wanting to cling to familiar comforts (that's you ) more than ever---take advantage of your role as the security blanket and hero to work with him. This phenomenon is sorta similar to say, you're at a party unfamiliar to you and feeling pretty unsure and then you see someone who in normal circumstances you may not even like or know all that well but because they are suddenly the only thing familiar you have an entirely more positive association to them.

Of course the situation may not be 'ideal'---but the true show of a good owner is commitment and love. This you have. Sure you might not be able to give him an aviary or millions of toys and yeah you need to work---but you love him and are dedicated. IF there were more people like this---instead of those who threw their hands up and abandoned their birds for the hope/pipe dream that someone with a mate and aviary would come along---there'd be less homeless birds. It may not be the best, but to him its home and has been home for his whole life and THAT is what is important because birds derive safety and happiness from flock stability. Also remember that this is a transitional phase in your life---money will get better, schedules will be lighter---and then at the end of it all he's still got a home and someone who loves him and a flock that sticks together through thick and thin.
Every paycheck you and he will come a bit closer to the lifestyle you both want Just keep your chin up

I'd know lol, I'm a college student and will be working full time soon--its not ideal but she's loved and cared for. Better that than uncertainty.

[Shelby]

Is it cruel to leave him home all alone all day now? I'm afraid he will disturb my neighbors, and I do not know what I would do then...

If he had a mate, would he have a better life?

If Boo moves with me, what can I do to encourage him to stop screaming?

Firstly, I think you should read this article I found: Should I get my hormonal bird a mate?
At the bottom of that article, there is a link to another article with ways you can reduce or eliminate some breeding behaviors.

Secondly, you can keep your bird entertained while you're at work by teaching him to forage. He will be working for much of his food while you are gone, and that will keep him busy as well as stimulate his mind. Foraging is what parrots have to do in the wild, so don't feel like you're being a bad parrot mom for not giving his meals on a silver platter.
Foraging for Parrots
Foraging 101
Beginner Foraging Tips

Lastly, (if you don't already) train him! It is focused, 1-on-1 time with your parrot, and your attention is solely on him. So even though you may have less time to spend with him, the time you do have will become more meaningful. It's also mentally stimulating. Lots of people say their parrots seem to think on the recent training session when you're gone and do even better the next time. Also, as training progresses, you can work on flight and flighted recalls. Flight is the best way for parrots to exercise, and after a great workout he'll most likely scream a lot less!

Michael has TONS of excellent training articles for tricks, food management, and flight training. Definitely check out his blog if you haven't already. (Click the parrot training blog link at the top of the forum.)

[liz]

I believe he is picking up on the emotions in the house and will calm down when you do.

Does he know hello and goodbye. If so he will learn that goodbye means you are not there and there is no use to scream.

A studio apartment will be like both of you in a big cage. You will really bond then.

Try not to deviate from your routine. That will be hard if you meet someone else. (Take it from me that you really don't want to get involved with someone else for a long time.)

[ljeanne]

so much great advice, i have nothing to add but my best wishes.

[DustyTheGrey]

so much great advice, i have nothing to add but my best wishes.

Same here! Best of luck with everything!