Why some parrots tend to bond with other family members

[macbrush]

My CAG spencer is now bound to my brother, and is very friendly to my father. He'll listen to me, but he certainly trust me less, and when it comes to bites, I often get the biggest share (in term of force applied!!!) as well.

I have been scratching my head off to wonder why. I am the one who feed him, change his water, let him out (most often), play with him and train him everyday.

I knew he bound to my brother awhile ago since Spencer let my brother scratch his head every time my brother walks in and he only let me touch his head maybe once or twice every week, but what surprised me was that while my father was playing with Spencer the other day, Spencer almost fell from his perch, my father's hand was nearby, and Spencer used his beak to hold on to my father finger, and it was EXTREMELY gentle. Honestly, Spencer was never that careful with me.

I actually have a theory about it. Put yourself in the parrot's shoes (Okay... just imagine they have shoes, and stop arguing! LOL), if you want to pick a partner from the human flock. What would be your criteria? In my house, there were 3 choices, my dad, my brother and myself.

1. My dad only play with Spencer maybe just a few mins every day, and he limited his interactions to try to make Spencer say a few words.

2. My brother would play with Spencer a few times a day, each time maybe 5 to 10 mins. My brother didn't really do any training, he often just give Spencer some very basic commands, and praise/reward Spencer regardless whether Spencer did it right or not. My brother often also reward Spencer for no reasons. My brother will also let Spencer out, but since my brother is even more afraid of biting than myself, when Spencer is out with my brother around, Spencer is literally free. Simply speaking, my brother was entertaining himself as if he was in a zoo.

3. I take care of Spencer every day issues, food/water, cleaning, training... etc. All of Spencer's formal training came from me, I sit next to him when I work, play (on computer)... etc. I train Spencer 1 to 2 hours a day, and spend 4 - 6 hours a day around Spencer as well.

My theory is that since when Spencer is around me, especially during training, I demand a lot from him. I praise/reward him only if he did something right, and reward was limited in comparison as well. I am also the one who made Spencer did all the horrible things, such as bringing him to a vet for check up, give him showers, and at the first few months chasing him around the house when he came out of the cage and got totally spooked, and towelling him back to the cage... etc. On the other hand, my brother and my dad see Spencer purely as a pet (someone else's), so they just wanted to play with Spencer, they would praise him every time Spencer say something, or perform any tricks whether those words/tricks were correctly performed according to command given. They would even praise/reward Spencer when Spencer didn't do what they want at all since they think that's very cute and clever. So I think naturally Spencer would tend to choose either my dad or my brother as partner, since they're less demanding, and more fun. And since my brother spent more time with Spencer than my dad, so Spencer picked my brother.

To avoid the same problem, my guess would be make sure everyone in the household and also visitors know the rules. Interact with the bird exactly the same way as the owner did, at least until the bird has a very solid bond with the owner.

What do you guys think?

[terri]

In my house the bigger birds tend to due the same thing .They will bond to one person and be friendly to whoever they choose,and tolerate the rest.It doesnt mean its the person who care for them too. Im sure there are exceptions [and thats great] but I dont think their thrilled with a ton of people and thats just how it is.

[sidech]

Your theory is very logic, but unfortunately life isn't always about logic !

Parrots are just like people; they have very strong and definite preferences in relationships. And although it can sometimes change, most of the time, especially when the bird is sexually mature, it doesn't.

That is why potential parrot owners should always be warned about this risk : the parrot you pay good money for, take good care of and love may not even like you...

Parrots are very different pets, and they are not for everyone, but they are soooo worth it when you know and accept what you're getting into !

[marie83]

Your theory is very logic, but unfortunately life isn't always about logic !

Parrots are just like people; they have very strong and definite preferences in relationships. And although it can sometimes change, most of the time, especially when the bird is sexually mature, it doesn't.

That is why potential parrot owners should always be warned about this risk : the parrot you pay good money for, take good care of and love may not even like you...

Parrots are very different pets, and they are not for everyone, but they are soooo worth it when you know and accept what you're getting into !

Completely agree with this.

Have to say though Ollie changes loyalties. I do all the rubbish stuff with him (I dont really think its rubbish cuz I enjoy it) and my partner lets him out and lets him do what he wants pretty much. Ollie used to hate my bf, then all of a sudden he was all over him like a rash and it was like I never existed for a while. After a period of that he warmed to me again and for about a year the split was about 65% my partner and 45% me. Now if we are both in the room at the same time Ollie will spend about 85% of his time with me and the rest with my bf. Last time I knew what caused the change but this time seems completely random.
That said Ollie will be sociable with most people so if there are others about he will go and check them out lol.

[Tro]

I agree that parrots will form bonds with whoever they choose. However just because he's letting your brother scratch his head doesn't mean he's bonded to your brother.

My bird is defiantly more aggressive towards me and I think it's because he's more comfortable around me and if he doesn't want to do something or me to do something to him he will let me know. But I notice him a little shy around other people. He doesn't like to be pet on around his wings and will let me know, but when someone he doesn't really know all out pets his back he tolerates it. But I can see a look that he's not comfortable just perhaps to shy to do anything about it.

Don't mistake biting for not liking you. You are the one teaching him and forcing him out if his comfort zone and he doesn't speak your language (or maybe he does ) and the only way to get the "no" across is through a bite, and hopefully you get the biting under controll soon because it's no fun to be bite.

That being said it's also not uncommon that parrots do form bonds with someone other than the one who got them.

[GreenWing]

Our feathered friends can FICKLE when it comes to matters of the heart. I know it's hurtful. Hang in there, though.

Take my Tiki, for instance, who is "cheating" on me right now. I'm usually her favorite but I must have done something to tick her off and she is currently ignoring me, and she'll only let my spouse handle her right now. She does this from time to time. Just two days ago she did a mating dance on my shoulder. I guess she's rejecting me now.

My point is, is that your CAG may have his moments when he prefers you after all.