She's gone.

[LadySaphine]

She's gone. My beloved Peanut, that little green cheek conure, is gone.

I woke up to an odd noise inside her cage; I thought she was stuck or something but didn't really do anything. It happened again and I got worried.

She was upside-down on the bottom of the cage, her feet in the air, her wings twitching. I got her out of there as quickly as I could. As I held her, she stopped twitching and opened her eyes, then closed them. At 1:23 AM, I realized she was gone.

It is currently 2:50 AM and I'm grieving so deeply. I put her in her litle cuddle house, which she slep in, and wrapped her up in a paper towel. I don't know if I want to wake my parents or not.

I just can't believe she's gone. I had expected this to happen, but maybe 20 years later. She was only a year and a half- her hatchday was in May.

I only had her for a year, but this year has been probably the best year of my life. And when I say year, I mean it. We got Peanut around this time last year, for my birthday. Which, by the way, is in a couple of weeks.

I wanted to grow up with her, at least for another decade. She was so cuddly and sweet and I loved her so much.

She said 'pretty girl' before I went to bed. That was the last time I heard her. And right now I miss those screeches more than ever, no matter how loud or annoying they were.

You know, this week I feel that I treated her badly. Maybe that's why she got sick. I don't know. But one day was so busy I couldn't get time with her, and I felt so guilty.

On Thursday I noticed her symptoms. She was slightly lethargic, not as much as she was, and very, very tired. But I dismissed them. I could've taken her to the vet, but I thought she was okay.

Now I'm worried about the other two birds. I could not stand it if Steve or PJ got sick. I would probably... I don't know. Go into depression. I love these little feathered creatures with all my heart.

I miss her so much. Peanut was my bird. She was mine. I bought her with my money (partially) and I took care of her only. She was my first bird. I wanted a dove, but I chose this beautiful little parrot I saw at the pet store. She had such gorgeous colors- her head was a soft gray with a little turquoise on her nape, her feathers were such a beautiful, ever-changing green, her belly was mixed with reds, yellows, and pinks, her tail was a pretty maroon color. But what I loved the most... I don't know. Her eyes, her little pink feet, her beautiful wings...

I miss her so much. I feel alone without her. And now I'm worried I'll start avoiding Steve and PJ because of her. I love them all, but Peanut was my first, my friend.

I just needed somewhere to spill this all out...

When she died... was she having a seizure? Her poops looked to be yellow with a lot of liquid. I want to know what happened to her.

[cml]

Im so sorry for your loss .

I know it feels awful, but at least she was held while she passed. I went through the same with my rabbit when i was a kid, who got a seizure and died in my arms. Had I not been home sick that day, she would have died alone.

All the best,
Cml

[Michael]

Terribly sorry to hear that.

[Weka]

Ah, dear! My deepest heartfelt sympathies.


--W

[Harpmaker]

Oh no! Not Peanut! I am so sorry to hear that. I could tell from your posts how much you loved her.

[Pajarita]

I am very, very sorry for your loss, my dear.

[pionus]

I am so sorry! We all know you were a great parront to her.

[GreenWing]

Oh no, LadySaphine. I am so, so, so sorry. I am so sorry for Peanut.

I know how you feel... I lost Tiki and while I've lost pets throughout my life, no loss affected me more than losing her. It hurts like hell, I know. Peanut knew you loved her, as Tiki knew I loved her. No words make it easier, but we are here for you in your grief. My deepest, heartfelt condolences. If you ever feel the need to talk or need support, please PM me anytime.

[LadySaphine]

Thank you everybody. It just feels like a nightmare. I keep remembering her in her last moment... I really think she held on until I got to her. I just hope she had no pain and was happy.

I buried her in my garden. Today was not an okay day. It was raining and as I dug, I uncovered a hibernating lizard. My stupid cats found it and now I feel responsible for two deaths. We visited a parrot store though, which lifted my spirits a little. There was a very cute Meyer's there, one I had never seen befre. There was also a b/g macaw who was a real character. She said 'hello' and 'stop! stop itt!!' I don't think I'm getting a new bird soon. Right now I wish I had a conure with me but then I don't because I know it's not Peanut.

What makes it worse or better, I don't know, but in the few weeks we've had PJ, he has copied Peanut's sounds. He now gives that little chirp every once in a while and I think it breaks my heart. To hear her and not know it's her...

Once again guys, thank you for the kind words. I never thought I would grow so attached to such a small bird, nor did I expect to be saying my farewells so soon. Steve and PJ are great company, but neither have the character of Peanut.

I have been doing some research on diseases in birds and the only one that seems to match her symptoms is Pacheco's Disease. She had seizure, listlessness, death within 48 hours of symptoms, yellow-ish, mostly liquid poop, fluffed up, and in the end she had clear discharge covering her beak. Either that, or it was tears. I don't know.

It really hurts me to think of her outside in the cold... I buried her with her toys. I took the bell off of her favorite toy, a chain with the bell on the end, which she would always reach over and ring. The sound of that tiny bell reminds me of her. It might sound odd but I'm wearing it as a pendant. I don't want to ever forget her, which I'm worried about. I think my year with her has been the best.

[Weka]

Aw, so sorry to hear about the lizard, too! I also have a garden that contains wildlife, and sometimes my digging/weeding has inadvertently caused deaths or upheavals. Reminds me of the Scottish poet Robert Burns', "To A Mouse", which also is set in the month of December: http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/toamouse.html

Wearing a momento is not odd at all; I think it's a very touching and human thing to do.


Warmest,

W