Sun Conure prefers my son

[Laura Grant]

I just purchased a BEAUTIFUL sun conure for my son at the SPCA. The age is unknown but appears to be an adult. She climbs on his shoulder and head. She bites me when I try to get her to step up. Today she let me take her from the top of her cage and walked up my arm to my shoulder. We walked around the house but as soon as she saw my son she flew right over to him and would not return to me. Again she bit me repeatedly. My son will be leaving town in a few months. How do I train her to like me?

[liz]

Welcome to the forum. Your son is first person. You are second person.
I was first person to Rambo but when my daughter moved in I was demoted. When she is home he only wants her. When she has been "bye bye" for a couple days he results to treating me as first person again.
They learn what "bye bye" is and are content to deal with second person when the first person is gone. First person is Mom. Second person is the baby sitter.

[Wolf]

First of all you can not train one being to like another, especially when the other being is sentient and intelligent. That is like me wanting to know how to train you to like jack grant, or someone else we don't know. Secondly, you are dealing with a wild creature and not a domesticated animal, such as a dog is. Thirdly, you are dealing with a prey animal as opposed to a predator.

I start off in this manner, not to insult you, but to try to clarify the nature of the being you are dealing with, ie. your Sun Conure. You are dealing with a wild animal, although parrots have been kept as pets around the world for nearly as long as man has walked upright, they were never domesticated and they ones that were kept as pets were all wild caught. This practice remained unchanged until the 1970's, when bans were placed on the importation of exotic birds due to conservation concerns. This means that at best your Sun Conure is only a few generations removed from the wild and it still retains all of the drives of a wild Sun Conure.

You are dealing with a prey animal, this is extremely important to know and remain constantly aware of as to some degree it defines your relationship with your bird. The vast majority of prey animals have their eyes on the side of their head so as to better see the approach of a predator. Most predators have their eyes on the front of their head to better focus on their prey. You are a predator and the manner in which you look at your bird will affect its behavior. This is especially true during the early stages of having your bird when it does not yet trust you and has no reason to do so.

You are dealing with a sentient and intelligent creature. This is also important to be aware of as your bird is self aware of itself as a living being and has the intelligence of at least a 3 to 5 year old human child. It things things through and makes its own choices and like you it is aware of this and it has all of the same feelings that you do as well as the need to socialize with others of its own kind and to feel as if it has some control over its own life and what happens to it.

You need to know these three things and give some serious thought to what these things mean so that you can learn to adjust your thinking about your bird and how you think about it and treat it or you will never have a great relationship with the bird.

Now to answer your question, you do not train the bird to like you, that is something that it will do or not do all on its own. What you can do is to spend time with the bird when your son is not around as this will help you to avoid getting bitten, When your son leaves, the bird will be likely to accept you as its new number one human, with all the rights and privileges of this status. This will probably be after a brief period of depression and grieving the loss of your son, whom the bird will think is dead. Why else would he not be there?

If your bird has a solid band on its leg we may be able to figure out the year it was hatched.

[Pajarita]

Wolf gave you both good pointers to always keep in mind as well as the right advice. Birds have and look for chemistry when it comes to love. And, just like people, sometimes they like the other person right away, sometimes they dislike him/her at sight, sometimes they are neither hot nor cold but, in the greatest majority of cases, if you do everything right (and note that I put the onus on you and not the bird), they will get to love you regardless of how your relationship started. So, just keep at it, be kind, be patient, be persistent but, at the same time, don't even try to interfere in the relationship he/she might have with your son because, if you do, he/she will resent you for it and, although they are forgiving creatures, they also have long memories.

[Laura Grant]

Thank you everybody for the great input. Olympia continues to socialize with my son. She REFUSES to step up on my finger to leave the cage but if he hands her to me she comes to me, though sjhe only stays for a minute or two then flies back to him. Starting tomorrow morning I will spend time with her in the bathroom 1:1. Hope this works.

[Pajarita]

No, taking her to a bathroom (a small, strange place) is an antiquated flooding technique. It doesn't work and flooding is deeply frowned upon because it stresses out the bird (something to be always avoided at all costs). All you are doing is scaring her into compliance, you are not changing her feelings or winning her over. You need to woo her. Spend time with her when your son is not around, offer her treats, praise her, sing to her, etc. With parrots, it doesn't do to go for the quick solution (flooding, clipping, toweling and forcing the bird to accept your touch, etc), you need to win her over on her terms or you will not achieve a good long term relationship.

[Laura Grant]

I have been working with her a bit more. I sat next to her this morning when my son was asleep. She is very attached to him. I see that he talks to her and coos to her. When I stick my hand near her she tries to attack. I am scared. I borrowed a few books from the library and will study them.

[Wolf]

She is bonded to him and she will do her best to defend him and protect him from any thing she perceive to be a threat or a rival for his attention. You need to work with her when he is not around and listen to the way that he talks to her and use your own version of talking to her in that manner. You will not replace him but while he is gone you can occupy the same position until he returns and then you will become a second, but at least the biting will stop.

[Pajarita]

Don't stick your hand close to her. Don't do anything that aggravates her. It's the only way to show them that you want to be their friend and that you respect their feelings and desires. Parrots are not dogs, they are not domesticated, don't feel gratitude for our caring/feeding them and are not genetically programmed by nature to please anybody but themselves (they don't live in a hierarchical society) so the ONLY way to win them over is with patience, love, persistence and consistency.

I don't agree with Wolf, I don't think that she is bonded to your son. I think she likes him a lot and obviously prefers him to you but I doubt she is bonded - bonded. This preference could be due to a previous good experience with males while having none with females or it could be that there is a certain chemistry but real bonding takes longer than just a few days and parrots are very pragmatic about these things so, although you are starting off farther than he is, it doesn't mean that you won't get there.

Go to the library but I doubt you will find any books that will help you. If there are, I don't know of any...

[Wolf]

Well I suppose that instead of saying bonded, because it could take sometime for it to develop fully, that I could have said chosen. The thing is in my mind regardless of whether it is a full fledged bonding or not the bird still appears to act as if it is.
You are much better off working with her when he is not present and not only less likely to get bitten, you will make more progress. When you try to work with her when he is there you are perceived as a threat and as trying to interfere with her relationship with your son and she will fight you to protect that. This is not something that you can win, accept this and move on.