boyfriend of a 'parrot person'

[dorp]

For many reasons, I simply do not like large parrots and as much as I'd like to go on an anti-parrot rant here, I truly do need help so I'll try to keep it respectful.
My girlfriend's family has over 5 large parrots, her's being an extremely mean and terrifying yellow-naped amazon (you already know where this is going). We've been dating for about 8 months now and still cannot stand to be at her house for long periods of time because of the parrots.

I go way out of my way to be courteous and a good boyfriend but unfortunately I've reached my limit with the parrots, they're just not for me or at least not hers. This is going to sound ridiculous but I live in fear when I'm around it. Fear of being attacked but also and perhaps much worse the fear of surrendering all of my remaining dignity. Instead of defending myself, I'm forced to run away from it for fear of killing it with a reactionary kick or slap. I could see a therapist or something about that but to be honest, that bird just isn't worth the effort. It's a wild animal that's forced to live in a cage 90% of its life with very low quality of life (subjective alert). I don't see any reason to manipulate a wild animal into suppressing its natural instinct to bite anyone that's not its 'mate' and to scream mind piercingly loud when that person goes out of sight for a moment. There are some good objective parrot owners out there but the for the most part, my girlfriend included, most parrot people are just completely and hopelessly dedicated to their pet and refuse to see evaluate themselves and the effect their love for parrots has on other people.

My girlfriends gets very emotional by even the slightest negative comment about her yellow naped amazon so talking about how I feel towards it has become more suppressed. However recently I had to tell her that I simply wouldn't ever be willing to live her parrot and that if we ever had a child I wouldn't feel comfortable having it near the child as it's very dangerous. These are both extremely hypothetical situations but nonetheless important. In the past I've been too stubborn to ask her keep the parrots away from me and lost a lot of sleep because of it.

I've been writing this for way too long so let me just try and make a point of all this.

Is it wrong of me to not like large parrots? Am I weird?
I've done a lot of research on large parrots and put in a lot of effort trying to get to like them but they're just .. I don't know ... not for me.

I wouldn't say that I'm jealous of the relationship she has with the bird but it's seriously unnerving to see her 'kiss', feed it food from her mouth, and talk to the bird. She is so unbelievably and hopeless committed to this parrot that even the slightest sly or negative comment about the parrot causes her to become emotional and defensive. I was the first person that she knew to openly tell her that I don't like parrots . However, I've witnessed many of her relatives and friend say the same negative things indirectly yet she doesn't pick up on it. She isn't very socially or emotionally developed so meeting someone that doesn't like pets was very new to her I feel.

Every time I visit her home I'm forced to surrender what little masculinity and pride I have left to be around these awful birds. I don't mind smaller more harmless birds but huge birds (mackaws and yellow-naped amazons) creep me out. To me they're just absolutely hideous and disgusting.
I really want to like them but every time I attempt to interact with them I get sick to my stomach and become overwhelmed with anxiety to the point where I have to leave, sometimes abruptly.


help

[liz]

For many reasons, I simply do not like large parrots and as much as I'd like to go on an anti-parrot rant here, I truly do need help so I'll try to keep it respectful.
My girlfriend's family has over 5 large parrots, her's being an extremely mean and terrifying yellow-naped amazon (you already know where this is going). We've been dating for about 8 months now and still cannot stand to be at her house for long periods of time because of the parrots.

I go way out of my way to be courteous and a good boyfriend but unfortunately I've reached my limit with the parrots, they're just not for me or at least not hers. This is going to sound ridiculous but I live in fear when I'm around it. Fear of being attacked but also and perhaps much worse the fear of surrendering all of my remaining dignity. Instead of defending myself, I'm forced to run away from it for fear of killing it with a reactionary kick or slap. I could see a therapist or something about that but to be honest, that bird just isn't worth the effort. It's a wild animal that's forced to live in a cage 90% of its life with very low quality of life (subjective alert). I don't see any reason to manipulate a wild animal into suppressing its natural instinct to bite anyone that's not its 'mate' and to scream mind piercingly loud when that person goes out of sight for a moment. There are some good objective parrot owners out there but the for the most part, my girlfriend included, most parrot people are just completely and hopelessly dedicated to their pet and refuse to see evaluate themselves and the effect their love for parrots has on other people.

What you said in this paragraph makes me believe that she is neglectful of her birds. If they are cage 90% of the time and even you saw a low quality of life for them, they are not being treated right. A good parrot parent treats their birds like children, since they have the itelligents of children. They are the way they are because they do not get enough attention. Their food quality is probably low so they don't feel good. She and her family are treating them like posessions.

Unless you can educate her on this, I think you should cut and run. But it seems that you - the person who does not like birds - are the only one who could with time help these poor children.

Your girlfriend is selfish and thinks of herself above others. Not just you but her birds. If you are not brave enough to help - then run.

My girlfriends gets very emotional by even the slightest negative comment about her yellow naped amazon so talking about how I feel towards it has become more suppressed. However recently I had to tell her that I simply wouldn't ever be willing to live her parrot and that if we ever had a child I wouldn't feel comfortable having it near the child as it's very dangerous. These are both extremely hypothetical situations but nonetheless important. In the past I've been too stubborn to ask her keep the parrots away from me and lost a lot of sleep because of it.

I've been writing this for way too long so let me just try and make a point of all this.

Is it wrong of me to not like large parrots? Am I weird?
I've done a lot of research on large parrots and put in a lot of effort trying to get to like them but they're just .. I don't know ... not for me.

I wouldn't say that I'm jealous of the relationship she has with the bird but it's seriously unnerving to see her 'kiss', feed it food from her mouth, and talk to the bird. She is so unbelievably and hopeless committed to this parrot that even the slightest sly or negative comment about the parrot causes her to become emotional and defensive. I was the first person that she knew to openly tell her that I don't like parrots . However, I've witnessed many of her relatives and friend say the same negative things indirectly yet she doesn't pick up on it. She isn't very socially or emotionally developed so meeting someone that doesn't like pets was very new to her I feel.

Every time I visit her home I'm forced to surrender what little masculinity and pride I have left to be around these awful birds. I don't mind smaller more harmless birds but huge birds (mackaws and yellow-naped amazons) creep me out. To me they're just absolutely hideous and disgusting.
I really want to like them but every time I attempt to interact with them I get sick to my stomach and become overwhelmed with anxiety to the point where I have to leave, sometimes abruptly.


help

[Michael]

First off, grow a pair. If you keep being such a wimp around the parrots, they will just keep on taking advantage of you regardless of their size. My little Senegal will rip anyone to shreds that she gets the sense they are scared of her. Yet a little kid with confidence can walk right up and grab her and she won't dare bite them. So first off, you're gonna have to man up and realize it's just a bird and that you can totally handle this.

I'm not gonna get into whether or not your girlfriend is right for you or not. You be the judge of that. You came here for parrot advice so that's what I'm going to stick to. It will take a lot of effort, time, and patience to build a good relationship with that parrot. But if you expect to be with this girlfriend for life, you can bet the bird comes with her. That parrot could still be alive when you're 80! So if you're serious about your girlfriend, you're gonna have to get serious about the bird. Don't expect to get the girlfriend without the bird so this is a deal breaker.

Now where I think you're wrong is saying, "I don't see any reason to manipulate a wild animal into suppressing its natural instinct to bite anyone that's not its 'mate' and to scream mind piercingly loud when that person goes out of sight for a moment." Clearly there is something wrong with that because you and other guests can't stand it. It's not appropriate behavior for a house pet and needs to be taught better. Of course there is some level of that which no amount of training will solve but it definitely can be brought to within tolerable amounts. "Nature" manipulates parrots no less depending on how the environment changes. Parrots are naturally adapted to dealing with environmental changes through their high intelligence and learning capacity. So if they are properly raised in the home environment, they can largely be adapted to appropriate pet life.

Before you can do anything, your girlfriend is going to have to start a taming/training program herself. She should clicker condition and target train the parrot to go anywhere she targets it to go. Once the bird is super familiar with targeting, she should be able to target the bird onto her hand and onto yours without any biting. Eventually you should be able to take over and target the bird around its cage and onto your hand without biting. This is the first step. The taming process can be continued to teach the bird to let you touch, pet, and grab it as well without biting. Here are articles that explain this in great detail:

http://TrainedParrot.com/Taming
http://www.birdtricks.com/blog/biting-p ... ion-part-1
http://www.birdtricks.com/blog/biting-p ... ion-part-2
http://www.birdtricks.com/blog/biting-p ... ion-part-3
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=227
viewtopic.php?f=15&t=285
http://trainedparrot.com/index.php?bid= ... New+Parrot

This is a must read for you:
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1528

Another possible solution is for you to get a parrot of your own. If you learn how to handle your "own" bird and develop confidence, you'll be better equipped to deal with all the others. This isn't to be taken lightly but if you're going to spend the rest of your life around parrots, it may be worthwhile to have one you raised, trained, and is bonded to you. You'll be just as eager to go cage shopping or take a day to stay in to clean cages and will bring you two closer together:

http://www.birdtricks.com/blog/love-birds/

[liz]

What I ment is that she is not a good mom. Just as if she had human kids (which she probably wouldn't take care of either) you will have to educate yourself on how to care for them.

You can start by bringing each one a treat when you go their. That is how you would win over a kid, but research on Michael's information. He even teaches Kili and Truman tricks.

Mine are spoiled like my kids were. Rambo and Myrtle teach me tricks.

[HungryBird]

You should not be bitten. I would not be okay with any of my pets attacking my guests. It's kind of rude to invite someone over to be mauled.

Do you have any interest in being on good terms with her parrots or do you just absolutely hate them? Does she have any interest in making her pets stop attacking you or does she think you should just deal with it?

I don't think you're crazy for being afraid of getting bitten by big birds. Or of getting bitten in general. I hope you can come to a compromise.

[dorp]

Another possible solution is for you to get a parrot of your own. If you learn how to handle your "own" bird and develop confidence, you'll be better equipped to deal with all the others. This isn't to be taken lightly but if you're going to spend the rest of your life around parrots, it may be worthwhile to have one you raised, trained, and is bonded to you.

I'm not looking for a 'bonded' parrot michael, I don't want one at all. Large parrots like mackaws, amazons, and to a lesser extent greys are completely disgusting to me. My girlfriend might as well have a house full of alligators that scream loudly from 5am to 9pm and bite anything near them because that's how I view the things. I just plain don't 'get it' with the parrot thing and have an extremely hard time comprehending why anyone would want these wild animals as pets. The reason this is such a problem is because my girlfriend loves her damn parrot, even though it literally attacks her father when he's in the room. By attacks I want all of you to understand that it will arch its back, scream loudly, and flap it's wings towards him with claws out. Worst and most terrifying of all is that once it's latched on and biting him it will begin mimicking laughter. I've told her in a few ways that if that bird ever attacked me again that it would be a 'huge problem' and she replies with something to the effect that 'I can't beleive you would break up with me because of her pet parrot'.

Large Parrots are just gross, I'm sorry

Here are some reasons why I don't like them:

1.) The biting
2.) The physical and mental ramafications of a bird chasing after a person on the floor and in the air.
3.) The filthy living conditions. (feces on the floor, feces on their claws, feces god damn everywhere.)
4.) The regurgitating
5.) Keeping a wild Bird, yes BIRD, inside captivity and removing it from it's natural habitat. Birds are meant to fly and be free no? It truly is an awful sight to see these large parrots content to be inside or on top of their cage all day. None of the actually fly except for when provocted to attack someone. I even bought her an aviator flight harness but she has no interest in using because she 'doesnt want to make her parrot sad' by putting the harness on, MINDBLOWING.
6.) They're loud. All day they are the top priority from morning until night it's all about the -expletive- parrots. The only time it's ever quiet is when they're in the cages at night. I can't live like that and I don't know why anyone would.
7.) Parrot people don't understand that visiters do not like their parrots. Most people like myself are polite and put with them but the truth of it is that they're a selfish pet and probably the only reason you like them is because you're their 'mate'. Parrot people seem to be willfully ignorant of how intrusive their parrots are to others and in my case, are given presidence over me and my feelings.

If you take a liking to parrots that's great and I'm happy for you but please could you explain why?

[pennyandrocky]

i love my parrots because they love me they are afecctionate,comical,intelligant,and beautiful i love to watch them fly around my house. i understand some people don`t thats why i don't drag them into my house which is also home to a dog,cat,fish,and two parrots anyone who enters our home expects to be greeted by a dog and have a parrot land on their shoulder or head depending on what he feels like doing in his home he says love you and gives them a kiss if they don't like it they don't come in. if you don't like your girlfriends parrots then move on they do live about 70 years

[Michael]

Worst and most terrifying of all is that once it's latched on and biting him it will begin mimicking laughter.

I can totally see where this came from... sounds like she/they encourage this kind of behavior by laughing when it is happening to someone so the parrot is just being a crowd pleaser and vocalizing in the same way everyone else does. Just because some people don't give their parrots proper care or socialization does not make the animals themselves disgusting.

If all you want to do is rant/complain you won't get far here and I think most people will sooner tell you to get lost than the parrot. However, if you are serious about looking for solutions and making things better, then start by reading up on those articles, listening to advice people give you, and talk about implementing it with your girlfriend.

[GlassOnion]

It really seems that the bird has some problems and the humans are making them worse by encouragement.

I take my cockatiel outside on a harness all the time. Many parrots aren't the 'attack monster' that you see in the amazon parrot. Not all birds are like that at all.

[liz]

Hey - my Amazons are good babies. Rambo and Myrtle are a joy.
My cockatiels are beautiful babies and sing to me.
The love birds are a little problem right now. Tweetle Dee has learned to take the door of his cage. I have to keep a clip on it to keep him in.