boyfriend of a 'parrot person'

[pennyandrocky]

my amazon never attacked either my son started taking him into his room to play army men when he was 3.my son still cries over losing him last year

[liz]

Your son lost his little brother. I am so sorry.

My life would be so depressing without Rambo. He is so much company. Our conversations are short and sometimes I have to rearange the words he is saying to figure it out but with two invalids in the house and a daughter on the run all the time he is a good companion.

[pennyandrocky]

thank you Liz,it will be a year next month but i still miss him and aways will. i tell my son that he is still with us and would be happy that we have adopted our 7 yr old cockatoo. i enjoy hearing about your fids i can tell you really love them they are lucky to have you.

[liz]

I hope your son can bond to the cockatoo and soften the loss.

[derekismyname]

lol! grow a pair? balls are weak and sensitive, better to grow a v*****a , those things can take a pounding! anyway,what do you two have in common? I'd move on if I were you, disliking parrots a much as you do , i doubt that will change no matter how much time you spend at it, i doubt you two are in love ,it 's probably the sex that keeps it going so why not find a girl who has no parrots, this" relationship" will FAIL and is doomed if it hasn't yet! Good luck!

[ginger]

I commend you for seeking advice from people that have parrot experience. It is obvious to me that you are somewhat tormented over this fear you have, whether it is perceived or real. I don't think that you are a bad person because you don't like parrots, no more than a person that doesn't like dogs, cats, etc. I don't like snakes myself, but I know that people have them, are committed to them, and love them madly. But, I doubt that I would ever be able to compromise and have an intimate relationship with an individual that is a snake lover and has them in his home. I know myself well enough to know that I could possibly learn to accept the fact that he has snakes, but I think that at some point in the relationship I would resent them and him. So, my advice to you is to search your soul and make a decision based on what you know about yourself. Be honest, because obviously this woman isn't about to change her life with her birds for you. She shouldn't have to. And, you shouldn't have to change who you are in regard to your animal preferences for her either. If either of you do compromise it will most certainly end in ultimate disaster at some point down the road. Do yourself, and her, a favor and end it now if your heart tells you that you won't change regarding parrots as pets.

The treatment and relationship your girlfriend and her family has with their birds is unhealthy to begin with. And, from what you said, she is most likely unwilling to change. But, that is another subject and really isn't your concern since you don't want to have a relationship with her birds, and most likely will not continue the relationship with her.

One more point to mention. I have a small bird rescue. I have many birds that have come to me from circumstances not unlike what you describe here. I have had birds surrendered to me because of a husband or a wife that thought it wouldn't be a problem, and then it becomes so huge that the partner is given an ultimatum...if the bird doesn't go then they will. It is typically heartbreaking for the owner to be placed in this dilemma. Again, this is something that usually festers and comes back to bite them. Of course the bird suffers mightily. They are extremely intelligent creatures with lasting bonds to their owners. The psychological damage can be devastating and may last for the rest of the bird's life.

Good luck to you. I'm sure it isn't an easy decision. Again, I am glad that you came to this forum to seek out advice from other experienced parrot people.

[HungryBird]

7.) Parrot people don't understand that visiters do not like their parrots. Most people like myself are polite and put with them but the truth of it is that they're a selfish pet and probably the only reason you like them is because you're their 'mate'. Parrot people seem to be willfully ignorant of how intrusive their parrots are to others and in my case, are given presidence over me and my feelings.

This! I agree! Some people are really nuts. I've had people tell me if I come to their house their bird might bite me. I do not go to their house. I have no patience for that. I think it is incredibly, incredibly, incredibly rude to invite guests over for a good mauling. I know I said that already but I really can't stand it. Some parrot people are really oblivious to the rest of the world. Or maybe they don't care? If I have a guest over who dislikes parrots I will not take the birds out. If I have a guest over who likes parrots I will. If I have a guest who is unsure but willing to find out I let the birds out. If they become uncomfortable I will put them back. I think this is common courtesy. If you dislike parrots I probably won't have you over all the time. I like my parrots and want them to be able to fly around and have fun and I won't deprive them of that but I don't think it hurts them to be in their cages for a few hours while a particular guest is over.

I have a feeling you wouldn't mind the birds so much if you got half as much respect as they did. It doesn't sound like a good situation to me. I feel kind of bad for her poor father too. I would be enraged if any of my pets attacked my father.

Run while you still have legs. They will start tearing off chunks sooner or later and it doesn't sound like anyone is going to stop them. Allowing your parrot to bite a guest is not a trivial matter. Would you allow your dog to bite a guest? Sometimes things happen and animals are animals but if we want our pets to behave a certain way we have to encourage some things and discourage others. If you know you have a pet that bites you should not allow it to roam around when guests are over. If you can't bear to properly train your pet or confine it you are probably better off never having guests over.

I'm a big animal person. Love them to death. Have five birds and a dog right now. Have had many other pets. I will not go to a house where I know I will be bitten. I know people who have dogs I consider to be absolutely terrible and unruly monsters and I don't visit them for that exact reason. I don't want to be jumped on and clawed. I don't want to be bitten. I don't want to have to sit perfectly still the entire time I'm there because "Fluffy came from an abusive situation so any movement causes her to savagely attack, you understand right?". No, I do not.

Not all bird owners are like that. Some of us are even almost normal. I feel bad for you. You should not have to put up with that. Just because I love birds doesn't mean you are wrong. I must say that I would never in a million years pick a partner who did not like my pets. Recipe for disaster. Luckily I snagged my boyfriend before turning into a crazy bird lady so he was kind of stuck with it! I'm kidding, he loves the birds too. If he did not love birds and dogs I doubt we would have stayed together for so many years. I would not subject someone to my household if they didn't like animals, it would be very unfair! I also have no intentions of ever being pet-free. I will absolutely always have at least one dog and since I got Squeaky I've decided I will probably always have birds too. Dogs are definite and there is no compromise. So why would I make a life with someone who doesn't want to wake up to a mouthful of dog fur? Joking, joking. Kind of. My boyfriend does have limits though. No more pets. Except he almost brought home a puppy last weekend.

[Maria]

I think these inner feelings you’re getting about parrots seems to come across about fear, mostly. That’s what’s coming across, pointed to several times, in your post.

Maybe if you understood that parrots sense as well as react to emotions in people, and learned to understand their nature and behavior, your fear will go away about parrots; then this problem will be eliminated.

When they screech when “their person” goes out of the room, they are wanting to know that the person is ok. It is part of their loyalty, bonding, and loving behavior as “flock animals”.

Examples:

If there is an angry person in the house, like yelling a lot, etc., the parrot will not like that person, and will react accordingly (shy away from the person, or if the person comes near them to try to react with them physically (drawing a hand near them to touch or pet or play with them or try to get them on their arm), the parrot will react with the only protective behavior it knows how to, which is biting. Think of the parrot’s fear too.

They sense loving spirits: The first time I saw my parrot in the parrot shop, he came right to me, & jumped right up on my arm, when I put my arm out to it.

They sense and want to comfort sadness in humans: My parrot, as well as two of my friend’s parrots, when we were crying – these parrots came right to us, walked, flew, climbed up our bodies straight to our shoulders, then wiped their beaks on our cheeks wiping our tears away.

Just like a horse or a dog, parrots will sense fear in a person. I’m talking here about the kind of fear of the person being afraid of the animal. These different types of animals react in different ways, when they sense the person is afraid of them. A horse will take off running, with you on it. A dog will attack you. A parrot will react in different ways like shying away from you, biting, etc.

All parrot’s systems are extremely sensitive (nervous systems, emotional systems, lungs, bones, internal organs). They can die from a lot of stress and fear (nervous system). They can die from losing “their person” (the person they are “bonded” to – IF they are not adjusted correctly (emotional system). (Bones): People who are uneducated about parrots, at times break their delicate bones, just while handling them. They are simply unaware. ALL of their bones are delicate, in their wings, ribs, legs, feet, back, neck, mandel in the neck area, head, everywhere. (Lungs): Extremely sensitive, can die when breathed in many things. This is also because a parrot breathes a hundred times faster than humans do. Any cleaning chemical which has strong fumes can kill parrots. There can be NO SPRAYING of ANYTHING into the air when you have parrots. Lysol and frebreeze cannot be used AT ALL IN ANY WAY. Glad plug ins, any type of air fresheners, burning oils, potpourri, insence, even dry potpourri – all can not be used AT ALL IN ANY WAY. These things will all kill parrots and are also toxic to the parrots. And some of these fragrant things and fragrant oils, the manufacturers put chemicals into, in order to make the fragrances last longer. Result: Dead parrot. Candles and fireplaces cannot be used. There is a substance that comes off the fire from the fire place that kills parrots. (There was a lady who put her parrots next to the fire place, fire buring in it, in winter time. The next morning, she woke up to a dead parrot.) Even some candle wicks now days have lead in them, and once the parrot breathes this in – lead poisoning – dead parrot. Any cleaning chemicals have to be diluted to ¼ or 1/8 cup of the chemical to a gallon of water. And you can dip the cleaning rags into that solution and wipe things down, but NOT spray chemicals into the air. Similarly, you can spray OUTSIDE the chemicals onto a cleaning rag, then come inside and wipe things down with the rag.

The way to get a parrot acclimated to you is gently and gradually. Gentle and gradual are the keys. And a lot of patience. And you talk to them sweetly, and don’t push yourself on them, or push toward them, for example, when they’re backing away. They have to learn to trust you. Backing away and reaching toward to bite are signs that the parrots give people when they’re either not ready for you yet, or they are afraid of you, or even to their bonding person when they’re just in a mood where they don’t feel like being bothered and feel like just resting at the moment. But with their bonding person, they bite extremely gently, as like just a nudge, to let their person know; or they take their foot and push their bonding person’s hand away.

Don’t keep pushing toward them, going toward them, when they back away. Don’t push food toward them. Let them come to you and take the food or treat, with just holding it up and showing it to them, talking to them, about a foot away. If they start to come toward you to get the food then you can gradually move in closer to help them get the treat. If they back away, sit back down, going away from them with the food, and talk to them sweetly from where you’re sitting down. Let them study you and look at you. When you see a parrot’s head tilting, this is an indication that the parrot is listening to you, trying to understand you and what you may be saying or doing, and learning you. One of a parrot’s MAIN interaction keys is VOICE of the humans. This is also why you talk to them sweetly. And you have to keep doing this process, until eventually the parrot responds to you and interacts with you, instead of backing away signs (IE: comes toward you and takes the treat from your hand). When the parrot(s) lets you come toward him without backing away, or comes toward you for things, that’s how you know the parrot is beginning to get “acclimated” to you. From there as you then continue the process with different things, the parrot will grow to bond with you and interact more and more with you, to the point where the parrot will win your heart. Trust me.

Hitting a parrot will only make things worse between you and the parrot, and can detrimentally hurt the parrot. The parrot will become more afraid of you and will react more aggressive toward you. The parrot will not like you. And unlike a dog or cat when you spank them, the parrot will NEVER return to you. It will totally turn on you. And it will never give you a chance to become acclimated with it again. You would have totally ruined any chance of becoming friends with the parrot. This is also based on when training parrots, in wanting them not to do something which you don’t want them to do, you distract their attention to something else to get them away from it or to stop doing it. And you can use a firm voice at times too, and just shake your index finger, saying, “No! Bad Bird!” or “EEEHH EEEHH EEEHH” or “UUUHH UUUHH UUUHH” (like no-no-no). Like when I do this with my parrot, he knows the difference by voice, when he’s doing something I don’t want him to get into, and he stops doing it. Just like dogs and cats. At times they’ll then keep going back trying to do it. And each time you do the “EEEHH EEEHH EEEHH”, and they stop each time, then after 3 times, if they do it again, you put them back in the cage. Being consistant with this process eventually trains them not to be getting into that thing, that – that place is a no-no and/or off limits. Or distracting their attention toward something else, like give them a toy, play with them with a toy, give them a treat, etc. NOT EVER hitting or spanking them, or twitching their beak or anything. First of all, they do not learn by hitting. Second of all, they will totally turn on you with hitting. Third of all, you could seriously hurt them, even their beaks. Never hit their beaks. If you hit a bird, they will become angry with you also.

There are many easy ways to keep things clean after parrots on a routine basis. Nothing disgusting about them.

There is a lot you don’t understand. And there are many details that go along with all this, that would take too much time to type here. I would suggest you learn and study more about birds behavior and care. Go to a parrot shop and ask them if they have this book; it's a thin book, you can read it quickly, and you will find it interesting:



That is the only chance you will have to become sensitive to them and appreciate them. Please share my post with your girlfriend.

This is also a terrific book, for second hand owners, help with adjusting parrots to new owners, once they lose their person (their first owner who they were bonded to):

[Maria]

MICHAEL - - - EXCELLENT POSTING.

[Maria]

Liz, good posting. yes, the bird(s) should be out of the cage at least two hours a day, interacting with it some, letting them climb around on their tree or cage, playing and getting exercise.

A bird also needs interaction, and conversation. Birds also die and get sickly and acting out aggressive behavior, even hurting themselves, from loneliness. Like they may start plucking out their feathers and chewing on their skin to the point of giving themselves soars. You will always see birds outside mostly in flocks together with other birds, hardly ever alone.

A bird's 3 main bare ESSENTIALS are nutrition, cage maintenance, and interaction.

Also, a bird can die from human saliva. She should not be having the bird take food which has been in her mouth, and kissing the bird should be either basically nose to nose, or with a closed mouth so that no saliva is able to get out and touch the bird's beak. Alot of people don't know this, and once bird's get human saliva in their mouth, they can get very sick and die.