boyfriend of a 'parrot person'

[Maria]

I commend you for seeking advice from people that have parrot experience. It is obvious to me that you are somewhat tormented over this fear you have, whether it is perceived or real. I don't think that you are a bad person because you don't like parrots, no more than a person that doesn't like dogs, cats, etc. I don't like snakes myself, but I know that people have them, are committed to them, and love them madly. But, I doubt that I would ever be able to compromise and have an intimate relationship with an individual that is a snake lover and has them in his home. I know myself well enough to know that I could possibly learn to accept the fact that he has snakes, but I think that at some point in the relationship I would resent them and him. So, my advice to you is to search your soul and make a decision based on what you know about yourself. Be honest, because obviously this woman isn't about to change her life with her birds for you. She shouldn't have to. And, you shouldn't have to change who you are in regard to your animal preferences for her either. If either of you do compromise it will most certainly end in ultimate disaster at some point down the road. Do yourself, and her, a favor and end it now if your heart tells you that you won't change regarding parrots as pets.

The treatment and relationship your girlfriend and her family has with their birds is unhealthy to begin with. And, from what you said, she is most likely unwilling to change. But, that is another subject and really isn't your concern since you don't want to have a relationship with her birds, and most likely will not continue the relationship with her.

One more point to mention. I have a small bird rescue. I have many birds that have come to me from circumstances not unlike what you describe here. I have had birds surrendered to me because of a husband or a wife that thought it wouldn't be a problem, and then it becomes so huge that the partner is given an ultimatum...if the bird doesn't go then they will. It is typically heartbreaking for the owner to be placed in this dilemma. Again, this is something that usually festers and comes back to bite them. Of course the bird suffers mightily. They are extremely intelligent creatures with lasting bonds to their owners. The psychological damage can be devastating and may last for the rest of the bird's life.

Good luck to you. I'm sure it isn't an easy decision. Again, I am glad that you came to this forum to seek out advice from other experienced parrot people.

I don't have this problem, as I love all animals LOL

[Maria]

The owner of the parrot shop says jokingly that her husband "tolerates" her birds. She loves birds too and she has seven of them of her own in her home. There was another customer who came in the parrot shop the other day, it was a lady. She was there to buy her husband a bird for a christmas present because "her husband is crazy about birds".

See? Everyone is different.

Once you make a decision to ACCEPT someone, you have to accept everything that comes along with them. There's a saying, keep your eyes open before marriage, and shut after marriage.

[Michael]

I already sent you a PM about this:

It is generally considered bad etiquette to multi-post back to back responses on a forum thread. Instead, try to post all the responses as a single reply with multiple quotes. You may not have known this, but you can quote a bunch of different people in the same response.

When you click reply to a topic and get to the reply box, scroll below this. You will see a list of recent posts on the topic. You can click "quote" next to each one you want to quote and it will paste the quote into your response area. It's also a good idea to remove all extra text in your quote besides the specific points you are referring to. Otherwise the response gets very long and redundant with complete reposts of other posts.

If you realize you forgot to mention something in your response immediately after, instead of adding another reply, you can go back and edit your post. On the other hand, if more than about 15 minutes has gone by, don't edit your post because people may have already read your response and not realize you added more to it since.

With over 15 posts in a row, it is absolutely ridiculous. It is unfair to other members to have the thread entirely hijacked by a single member. There isn't really a limit to how much you can post in a single response, but posting so many responses makes it difficult for other members to be involved in the discussion.

[liz]

Dorp has not posted since the 27th. I think he wanted a quick fix and that is all.

[dorp]

I've been reading the replies but haven't been willing to put serious thought into a reply yet.
Firstly, I don't believe in animals having emotions. So, comments about birds (haha) being happy, sad, or loving are nothing more than falsely attributing human emotions to instincts. I understand how tempting and beneficial it is for other people to talk to their animal and have an unconditional 'friend' but I left that kind of thinking behind a long time ago, parrots are like a glorified stuffed animal to some people.

Aaaaaanyway...

arch its back, scream loudly, and flap it's wings towards him with claws out:

There’s something wrong with the relationship between your girlfriend’s dad and the parrot, for the parrot to act so agreesively toward him. The parrot is either afraid of him for some reason, or the parrot is feeling he wants to protect your girlfriend.

The Amazon is very old and who knows its 'reasons' for attacking him but from what I've gathered it's common for parrots to just dislike different genders of people among other things.

Once you become to really understand parrots, you will grow to feel that they are very intricate, sensitive, delicate, and intelligent creatures. Until then, you won’t understand. Some people don’t understand unless a parrot becomes acclimated and/or bonded to them. Even unless you and a parrot become acclimated and/or bonded, people can tell you all about the cute things they say and do all day long, and it won’t phase you. And you won’t appreciate it.

The more I come to understand parrots the more I'm turned off by them. I'm unwilling to jump through hoops just to manipulate a frankly, stupid bird just so it will tolerate me. It seems to me like parrots will like just one person and you have to bend over backwards just to get them to like someone else. I realize there are many ways to achieve a parrots 'trust' but most of them seem to require you to bow down to them and everything is one their terms. This isn't something I'm willing to do, especially for a wild animal that shouldn't even be kept as a pet in the first place.

The owner of the parrot shop says jokingly that her husband "tolerates" her birds. She loves birds too and she has seven of them of her own in her home. There was another customer who came in the parrot shop the other day, it was a lady. She was there to buy her husband a bird for a christmas present because "her husband is crazy about birds".

See? Everyone is different.

Once you make a decision to ACCEPT someone, you have to accept everything that comes along with them. There's a saying, keep your eyes open before marriage, and shut after marriage.

That poor, poor man haha
My girlfriend gets visibly upset when I bash parrots in front of her. I think it's mostly because she knows this is going to be a huge problem later in life. It must have been truly heartbreaking for her when I finally told her directly how I felt about her parrots. I may antagonize her about them a little too much sometimes but they truly are a huge problem for me. This whole situation just really sucks because I love her but I get nauseous and nervous around the parrots. I'll never accept a parrot as a pet and her reply to that was something along the lines of, " I don't want to have to choose" and " I don't want to have to put him (her parrot) to sleep". The euthanasia part was because she would't want her parrot to be re-homed or something as she knows how volatile that creature is but I explained to her that the parrot would forget about her almost instantly and find a new 'mate' or whatever but she didn't seem to believe me. It's not fair for for me to put up with those parrots just as it's not fair for me to separate her from them. I wish they were dead, that would make things so much easier but that won't happen either because they live so god damned long.

[liz]

So what was it you wanted from us if you already knew we disagree with everything you think and say about parrots?

WATCH YOU LANGUAGE.

[liz]

So what was it you wanted from us if you already knew we disagree with everything you think and say about parrots?

WATCH YOU LANGUAGE.

And now I know why they attack you.

[ginger]

Sorry, but I think it is totally "unfair" of you to even think that your girlfriend she do anything with her parrots (ie, giving them away) just for YOU! Who do you think you are to ask her to do so? Whether you like it or not they are members of her family. I would say it is past time for you to move on, so please do your girlfriend a favor and leave. You obviously aren't interested in anything but yourself.

[dorp]

So what was it you wanted from us if you already knew we disagree with everything you think and say about parrots?

WATCH YOU LANGUAGE.

I have been, believe me.

Sorry, but I think it is totally "unfair" of you to even think that your girlfriend she do anything with her parrots (ie, giving them away) just for YOU! Who do you think you are to ask her to do so? Whether you like it or not they are members of her family. I would say it is past time for you to move on, so please do your girlfriend a favor and leave. You obviously aren't interested in anything but yourself.

Sorry I didn't make this more clear. I wouldn't ever ask or allow her to separate herself from her parrots because of me, it's not an option.

[Michael]

Sorry I didn't make this more clear. I wouldn't ever ask or allow her to separate herself from her parrots because of me, it's not an option.

Well not all that many options. Put simply these are the only possible choices:

A) Just accept the situation as it is and that it will remain as such
B) "Get rid" of the bird
C) "Get rid" of you
D) Train the parrot to behave in a more acceptable/tolerable way

Obviously (A) doesn't seem fine by you cause you came here and started this topic. (B) As everyone else said and you reiterated, this is not an option. The parrot will live for a long time and it is both unnecessary and inhumane to kill or rehome it over this. (C) is a very plausible option and if you keep pushing your girlfriend too much on this issue don't be surprised if that happens. Of course this doesn't seem ok by you because you're sticking around and seeking help. Clearly the only plausible solution is to compromise and teach the bird better behavior and teach you to get along with the bird.

First and foremost you gotta lose the attitude or I guarantee you you're gonna be out on your ass cause she'll dump you before the bird for being such a jerk. The parrot is not stupid, you are. The parrot is actually very smart. It is acting the way it does for self gain. It already outsmarted you to hysterical proportions. You are on a forum crying about being bullied by a little bird. Meanwhile the bird is enjoying sitting at home with your girlfriend getting love and attention. The parrot is an effective trainer. It taught you to stay away by biting you. That is smart. It is to the parrot's greatest self gain to torment you until you leave or your girlfriend dumps you so all attention can be back on the parrot.

If you want to get anywhere with this and win with your girlfriend, you're gonna have to win with the parrot. This means making your presence beneficial to the parrot so that it will let you share its owner. This isn't easy. Heck, I don't think you can handle it. But the information has been presented to you (for free I might add, loads of people pay good money for books, DVDs, and professional consultations to learn this stuff). It's entirely up to you to use it. What you have to do is take the time to read, analyze, and understand it. Then you need to come up with a strategy for implementing it and working that out with your girlfriend. Finally you're gonna have to have a lot of patience to win over the parrot through positive reinforcement training if you want to have any chance with the girlfriend. If you don't think it is worth it, then take the easy way out and find someone else.