relationship end help with parrots **updated**

[KimberlyAnn]

I may not know you well, Marie, but I know this about you...

- You are selfless when it comes to your animals.

- You take the time to help people and give advice. You are straight forward about it, but never insulting.

- You keep yourself educated and you aren't afraid to ask questions.

- You are kind.

We share the anxiety thing. I have generalized anxiety disorder...whatever that means. I know I worry, I used to have panic attacks and I think I'm always doing something wrong and am surprised when I get a compliment. I don't sleep well...that's an understatement. I have times of peace and it took me a long while to get to the point I'm at. I'm starting to get confidence and I'm starting to understand letting things go that are out of my control. I still have a long road ahead of me and it's mine alone. No one can help me. That took a lot to say just now! But it's true.

I've also been hurt and it's one of those things that no one likes to talk about, but they should. We expect the ones we trust to be there and when it turns out they can't be, it's devastating for anyone. And yes, when it rains, it pours. Other stuff seems to happen when things don't go as planned.

But you took time for you. That's important. I'm glad that your ex gave you that time to heal and took care of your babies.

If things are going in the right direction and you feel you are on the way to healing...go get your birds. They need you as much as you need them right now. With them, you have that extra reason to get up in the morning with a smile. With them, you can train them and gain trust again...get rid of those guilt feelings. It will do you and them some good.

I think you should go get them and know you are good for them. Know you have those great abilities to care for them and most important, you are worth it. You don't have to be perfect, things don't have to be perfect all the time. Getting there is what's important and knowing you will always be "getting there."

Things are going to be ok. I kept telling myself that at my darkest time even when I didn't want to believe it (and I fought it!) and life moves on. It took me so long to build my life up again and be able to trust again...and love again. I thought I would be the last person on earth to move on! Lol So many things went wrong in every aspect of my life back then. Things have a funny way of working out.

Keep moving forward, you will be ok and you will be the best person to take care of your animals. You can do this. You are worth much more then you think.

I'm glad you are back! I did notice you were gone and missed your posts!

[Pajarita]

Yes, things have a way of working out and time heals all wounds. I've had to start from scratch (I am talking no money, no job and just a suitcase with clothes) three times in my life (I am on my third husband) and can positively tell you that, as we say in Spanish, there is no bad thing that doesn't come as a prelude to a real good one so hang in there and you will come out much better off at the end.

[GreenWing]

Marie, as I've said via our PM correspondence, how I wish you and I could head to a pub and get COMPLETELY SH%$FACED.

You're very brave and strong. I know what you're going though, I completely understand, and I am here for you.

Yes, things have a way of working out and time heals all wounds. I've had to start from scratch (I am talking no money, no job and just a suitcase with clothes) three times in my life (I am on my third husband) and can positively tell you that, as we say in Spanish, there is no bad thing that doesn't come as a prelude to a real good one so hang in there and you will come out much better off at the end.

This is so incredibly enlightening... I greatly admire your courage. That is f*&^ing amazing, Pajarita. There's a lot of strong women here at The Parrot Forum -- Marie included. I applaud you all.

[Pajarita]

Marie, as I've said via our PM correspondence, how I wish you and I could head to a pub and get COMPLETELY SH%$FACED.

You're very brave and strong. I know what you're going though, I completely understand, and I am here for you.

Yes, things have a way of working out and time heals all wounds. I've had to start from scratch (I am talking no money, no job and just a suitcase with clothes) three times in my life (I am on my third husband) and can positively tell you that, as we say in Spanish, there is no bad thing that doesn't come as a prelude to a real good one so hang in there and you will come out much better off at the end.

This is so incredibly enlightening... I greatly admire your courage. That is f*&^ing amazing, Pajarita. There's a lot of strong women here at The Parrot Forum -- Marie included. I applaud you all.

LOL - Thank you for your kind words but I don't know if I would call it courage... it was more a matter of do or die mixed with a bit of pride because, with the exception of the third time when I had a 3 year old daughter with me, I had no family whatsoever in the States so if I didn't just keep on trying, I would not have survived. And I wasn't going to go back home to ask my parents for help, either. If there is any credit to be given to anybody, it would be to my mother who raised her children to understand that, in life, you don't do what you want to do but what you have to do, and that happiness is a choice and a privilege you earn, not a right so, if you just keep working at it, you will find it.

[KimberlyAnn]

It still takes courage. The will to live and live free is strong when you have no other choice...or however the saying goes. But I think your compassion for animals speaks of your courage Pajarita. You went through bad situations and still have the ability to love and care for things. That takes courage to keep hate out of your heart.

When I left my first marriage, I had to run and fight for my freedom. I went through every emotion one can go through, I think. You just have to make the right choices on the feelings you will allow yourself to stay in and also forgive yourself for making the wrong choice in the first place. I think the best thing that happened to me through it all was making the choice to give him everything (house, car, personal belongings, MONEY!) and start new. Giving up those things helped me to see that life is so beautiful and full of potential. I don't think I will ever get to the point where I can respect my ex, but I have forgiven him for not knowing how to truly love another person without the need to control and shame. That is freedom.

[Pajarita]

Indeed it is! And pretty smart, too! Because when you hate, you are hurting yourself more than you hurt the person you hate so kudos to you for overcoming and coming out smelling like a rose at the end of the tunnel!

[Scotty]

Everyone here loves critters, that's why we are all here.

But let's also all be HONEST here, no matter how much we love our animals we should never place them above a Human life.

Their life is important, sure I won't deny that, but your life is more important, and you need to be more concerned about yourself and putting your life back, then your animals for now.

Second, smart birds are like little kids, and kids are more resilient then adults and so are birds.. Of course many birds don't like change, but like kids they adapt quick with good trainers, and with proper love and toys they will keep themselves amused without you.

So stop worrying about the birds, take care of yourself first, BECAUSE when you are in mental and physical good state of health, it carriers over into your life and animals, and gives them too a better quality of life.

When hell is breaking loose, you aren't a good anchor for those that need it, birds too!

Worry and stress does nothing for life! Learn to live free of them! But the world makes you think you're not a good person, or responsible, or a loving person if you don't worry, like it makes a difference, it's all BULL!

I worry about nothing, because it can never change anything but make you sick!

[KimberlyAnn]

I think people do better (in hard times) when they know the animals and people that rely on them, are taken care of. It sounds like Marie did put herself first and and now wants to make make a decision about her animals. I think that's all she meant.

I do agree with you that you should put yourself first. If you don't, you are no good to anyone else. But I think if you care about something so deeply, there is a reason for that and you should act on it. I think if you don't, you will have regrets, worry, and guilt. Like my husband always says, you have these feelings, now what are you going to do about them? Stuffing them down or deciding to ignore them does not always work.

[Pajarita]

I agree with Kimberley Ann 100%. Whether putting yourself first or not is the best for you depends on the person. I certainly don't put myself first when I get up before 5 am during the summer, I don't enjoy it and wish I didn't have to do it, and most other people would say I don't have to, that the birds could wait a couple of hours to get their breakfast and that it won't kill them. But I know myself and I know it would bother me something terrible. I would wake up anyway and just lay there thinking they should have their fresh food when the sun rises and I would feel guilty and wretched for not doing my best by them (because when you love somebody -or an animal- their happiness comes before your comfort). Now, sometimes, you have to give them up or send them somewhere else to be taken care of because you are in a situation where keeping them with you would just be selfish and that's another story. I think Marie realized that, in order for her to take good care of her birds, she needed a bit of distance and time to find herself and that's fine with me because she is thinking of them and their wellbeing instead of herself as I am sure she would have much rather had the comfort/consolation of their presence/love with her during these difficult times but she chose not to be selfish and put their wellbeing before her own.

[KimberlyAnn]

Yes, exactly. My mom always said in the mornings when my brother and I got up, "You don't get to eat until you feed the animals (or water the plants)" If we were responsible for them, we had to see it through.

But let me rephrase what I meant by putting yourself first. If you don't take good care of yourself, you will break down. Just like a car. I'm still learning this lesson. Lol