relationship end help with parrots **updated**

[marie83]

Thanks for the support and kind words.

To clarify, it might have looked like I was putting myself first but I really wasn't in a good place and I honestly felt leaving them with my ex for the time being was better (for them, not myself- I felt like I had lost everything....) for many reasons. I'll go in to some of it, not to try to justify my actions as I feel an immense guilt for not being strong enough to keep my "family" together but I am just hoping that if it makes one person make a plan or in case things don't work out as we hope in *any* situation then sharing this has done some good. When I was with my ex things were pretty good for the birds as usually one of us was at home and if we wasn't it was never for very long.

Although I'm not as strict about everything as pajarita, my pets have always come first and I'm constantly looking for ways to improve things for them.

The main reason was their welfare. If they had moved with me as soon as I had my room sorted they would have been literally in the same room as me. That isn't an issue in itself as I've done it before but this time I wasn't sleeping, waking with nightmares, constantly crying, having panic attacks etc. There is no way that would have been a stress free environment for them- they pick up on these things, their sleep would have been disrupted frequently with the nightmares. I would have struggled to give them a proper routine, especially when their current one needed improvements anyway.
2. Harlie in particular has had a really rough life. She has finally started to become settled, learned to trust, has the guts to leave her own cage and fly round etc. She had literally transformed into a different bird during her time living there.
3.At the time of all this happening I had my doubts as to whether the health issues that have plagued them on and off was making a return. Thankfully it didn't but I didn't want to place them under stress if their immune systems were already weakened hence my initial post about it. I was going to go ahead with the move anyway until I fell apart a few days later.
4. now this one is rather selfish- I really believed my ex and I wouldn't be apart long and I hated the idea of moving them out to move them back in a few weeks later. I simply didn't want to mess them about like that.
5. he had much more time for them overall than me over the past few months for reasons that were out of my control although those things were temporary. I have emergency plans in place for a variety of situations anyway but again I didn't see the point in making the situation more stressful for the birds when they were happy and settled where they were.
6. there was the option of rehoming them but realistically despite my health issues I knew the relapse was only temporary so why put any of us through all that stress and heartache. I'm a strong person overall and I always pick myself back up pretty quickly. Leaving them with my ex meant I knew they were in a familiar environment with a familiar person, kept a similar routine, diet etc. it meant I could see them, keep an eye on their health and keep providing for them. Of course I'm very lucky my ex was willing to do this....

There's other stuff too but I don't really want to write an essay so i'll leave it there as its already long enough lol. I would very much have preferred to have them with me from the start but I really felt like it wasn't in their best interests.

[KimberlyAnn]

Oh Marie, you were not being selfish! When I was 19, my husband and I were living together for a very short time. It didn't work out, and he was moving out. Heart breaking! I thought for sure he would be back. I thought for sure this was not the end. That's totally natural! I would have saw it as a cooling off period too. I would have left my stuff if he hadn't moved out too! You don't want to believe it when it's happening and you still hope. That's just part of losing something and reacting to it. If it had been a bad situation for them, I bet you would not have left them there.

Obviously my husband found me again and well...our story is not common. If you asked me ten years ago if I would ever be with him again, I would have laughed and called you crazy. Lol It just was not the right time back then. But if he left me now...I would be ruined for a time too. I would not be myself. In factiI could bet that I would leave Emmi here and go stay with my mom, not sleep, cry cry cry, and feel useless and not believe it's happening. I would be mad. I would feel cheated. I'm just being honest.

So it's very natural, what you are going through. You have nothing to apologize for or feel guilty about. This was not your choice. Don't find fault in how you dealt with your feelings. You need to feel them and fight through them to get to the other side.

But you have a chance now, to find someone (when you are ready) that will see you as a prize to be won. Someone who will stick with you no matter what your troubles are and see you for the beautiful person you are. Someone who will fit better into your life. He's out there probably wondering where you are right now. This is your chance to feel new love again. What a beautiful thing! A long time friend of mine has a saying when one of us loses a partner..."You just picked wrong...go out and pick the right guy this time! Damnit!"

[Pajarita]

Yep! It took me three tries to get it right and, if this husband pisses me off, I'll go look for the fourth one! We have a saying in Spanish "Nunca es tarde cuando la dicha es buena" (It's never too late when the joy is good) so, just put the whole thing down to a life lesson learned and start from there. We are all rooting for you!

[Wolf]

Just a thought from the opposite sex, probably not a mainstream one but it is mine.

If he does not accept you in full, that is, just the way you are including all of the accompanying baggage ... Walk the other way. If he wants you to change or wants to change you in any way...Run, don't walk.

[GreenWing]

Just a thought from the opposite sex, probably not a mainstream one but it is mine.

If he does not accept you in full, that is, just the way you are including all of the accompanying baggage ... Walk the other way. If he wants you to change or wants to change you in any way...Run, don't walk.

Powerful words... but that is easier said than done. It is hard to leave a relationship for many people with parrots because they don't want to change the status quo. And it is hard to face giving up a pet.
Hope is what keeps many in relationships, hoping for change, but how does a person know when to leave/end? Even if it means losing a parrot or moving into a room with your parrot and would the parrot adjust to the change?

[Pajarita]

When there is a will, there is a way. And, as long as you don't change the bird's routine drastically, they adjust -granted, some species better and faster than others but they all do when they are healthy and reasonably well-adjusted.

[Wolf]

It is hard to end any relationship whether you have pets or not. Unfortunately there are no easy ways to decide what is best, but you can see whether what is happening is acceptable to you or not and choose your path from that if you must. It is my experience that change occurs when and only when we, the humans, choose to make the changes. As for leaving my pets, I will consider it only if I am sure they are better with the person I am leaving. For me there is no other reason that is valid. If I think they are better off with me, I simply will not leave them behind, and I have spent times with no home except for my vehicle. Glad those time are past, but if you choose to you can go through anything and come out stronger for it.