Can we please be nice to new members?

[TooLove]

For the record, I'm new and I feel like everyone's been very nice!

[Matt Alyk]

I think the problem is, when people tell someone they're doing something wrong, it hurts their ego. Like Michael said, some people want reassuring compliments, not actual advice. The great thing about the internet is we have this information about how to care for our parrots right at our finger tips, which certainly helped me. Granted, actually going to the shelter and meeting them was COMPLETELY different, but that's beside the point. But when you ask for assistance on the internet, you are automatically subject to people pointing out your mistakes, and some people just can't handle that.

[Matt Alyk]

For the record, I'm new and I feel like everyone's been very nice!

Same here, I have gotten so much support in the small amounts of posts I've made, I really feel at home with you guys. I like blunt advice the best, because it gets the point across and makes me reflect on how I do with parrots, and work on weak areas.

[liz]

Yea I know that Liz but not sure any adult would be so childish to get a bigger bird under their name.
Of course your right- it does bump the thread up again and makes it easier for people to see amongst the others.
It doesn't matter how good your intentions are, everything seems to get taken the wrong way these days.

...I'm just a soul who's intentions are good Oh LORD please don't let me be misunderstood...

[britmon]

I see both sides to this (old) topic. On one hand, it's important to provide the best possible advice for new parronts who come seeking it. However, I also definitely see a lot of "everything you are doing is wrong" around these parts. As a horse trainer and riding instructor, I have had to give and receive a whooooooollllle lot of criticism which made it really easy to see the advice I received on this forum as highly constructive where many would view it as condescending. Some advice I would give to the older members that has helped me time and time again would be to try to find something they are doing right to talk about before talking about everything they are doing wrong. It makes people a lot more willing to heed your advice, a lot less defensive and less likely to lash out in response.

But also I feel a lot of people go to forums seeking "advice" when really they already have in mind what they want to hear so, when they hear otherwise, they get all in a huff about it.

[DanaandPod]

There is a reason you made this topic post. And, in of itself, that reason deserves to have attention. I have learned about solar lighting and learned some foods that i would otherwise not given my parrot whic is good because he is now getting other sources of nutrition. So, this forum was worth visiting. I think that that it is hard to determine who has the better advice with so much varrying information on the web and forums...If someone has an opinion they want supported, they are sure to find it. However, forums need to be taken with a grain of salt. Parrot keeeping is not a perfect science from what i have been learning. But, people try to do the best. And, the process of learning takes mistakes and people diserve a friendly environment to discuss their trials. Still, negative talk and finger pointing and judgement and put downs/belittling humiliation on and so forth don't belong on here in my opinion. If anyone starts to feel disrespected they have every right to discontinue conversing with others on here like i have done. People need to find their own way and in the process also determine what is best for them and their pets based on what they are reading and whats said on here. But, use your own noggin and don't let any one person try and control how you feel. Some personalities thrive off of others who have made themselves open and vulnerable by seeking help and info, unfortunately sad but very true! But, we are plastic beings and even if you have been sucked into a whirlwind of advice, you have every ability to stop and take control and gladly utilize what info you gained that you think is good. I think its been a rather interesting site! WElcome newbies!

[DanaandPod]

The only really stupid question that I can think of at the moment is the one that you don't ask.

Always to be true. And, nobody should be made to feel otherwise i.e., not ignorant, less than anyone else on here, or lazy for not researching it themselves. After all, asking questions on this forum is a form of research. And, like so many have said on here... there is contradicting information and people inept at interpersonal deliveries... so, in the end, its the owner's responsibility to take what they feel is useful and leave the very rest. BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ALWAYS TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND BECAUSE NO DECISION IS WRITTEN IN STONE EITHER AND EVEN THE WORST OF PERSONALITIES THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO TURN ELSEWHERE MAY HAVE SOMETHING USEFUL TO TAKE IN AND CONSIDER. For the time I have been on here, I have learned that there is no exact science when dealing with birds. And, when there is no exact it means forever changing. All the more reason to keep an open mind. Permanency hangs people up for not only fear of making the wrong decision but also for the louder personalities to be judgemental and take advantage of others. So, be grateful that nothing is permanent.

[DanaandPod]

I see both sides to this (old) topic. On one hand, it's important to provide the best possible advice for new parronts who come seeking it. However, I also definitely see a lot of "everything you are doing is wrong" around these parts. As a horse trainer and riding instructor, I have had to give and receive a whooooooollllle lot of criticism which made it really easy to see the advice I received on this forum as highly constructive where many would view it as condescending. Some advice I would give to the older members that has helped me time and time again would be to try to find something they are doing right to talk about before talking about everything they are doing wrong. It makes people a lot more willing to heed your advice, a lot less defensive and less likely to lash out in response.

But also I feel a lot of people go to forums seeking "advice" when really they already have in mind what they want to hear so, when they hear otherwise, they get all in a huff about it.

Agree that delivery comes across better with telling them what they are doing right as well. Nobody should think they are above and nobody should be made to feel they are below regardless of anyones experience. If anyone is doing that... they are a fraud. We are all learning. All teachers are students. Always and foremost. Also, many people go to forums just to connect with others of a common interest: Parrots/birds as pets. A few times I see people trying like hell to teach and frustrate over those not understanding or not doing the research on their own as much as they believe they should be instead of comming on here asking so many questions. When maybe they are just looking to connect with a common interest on the web. Sometimes those teachers need to take a breath.

[liz]

Pushing 65, I believe I am the oldest in the forum. I am also technology impaired and depend on others to research and translate. If more than 50% agree I will go with it. Wolf and Pajarita have always been in the above 50% so I take what they say any way I can get it.
The farther you are off track the faster you will be told to get back on for the sake of the birds.

[Wolf]

I know that when it comes to communications with humans that there are a lot of times that I screw up royally. Some times I am too brusque or abrupt in how I say things, but I am trying to be gentler all of the time. Sometime, I find it difficult to find a way to say you are doing this right because mostly I don't get that information to be able to say that. Most of the time I end up having to ask repeatedly just to get the smallest amount of information to try to work out what is going on with the bird. Regardless of what the original poster says or does with my replies, I try very hard to be courteous and respectful as well as honest. I can't say that I am always successful in this endeavor, but if not it is not due to a lack of effort. If you think that I am dishonest, rude, disrespectful or what either good or bad, this is a very good place to post it and I am certain to find and read it. Regardless of whether your feedback is positive or negative, I do want you to know that I will read it and try to improve any areas that are found to be lacking and that I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks.