Children owning Parrots

[Wolf]

Actually, I don't mind helping, but I stop when my helping starts turning into I am doing it for them.

[pukeko]

I think parrots are a hard one because they so often choose a favorite, which means that even when the family is fully behind the child and happy to care for it when the child doesn't or can't, changing family dynamics and having the 'wrong' person chosen can make things very complicated. The worst case being a parrot falling madly in love with another child who dislikes it, with parents who can't handle it and the one who was given it likely react poorly.

We got Suk when I was seven, and she chose me when she was about four, and had an antagonistic relationship with my mother afterwards. My mother still had to be a major carer, though, as I went through periods of intense sports and academics, or trips or courses far away. Suk did warm up to her when I was gone for more than a few days, but I can imagine another bird that would not. I eventually took full reaponsibility, but we definitely needed a lot of support and she certainly did not get all of her needs met (social consistency especially), needs which we didn't even learn about until I started really researching her care. Two would have been better, and it would have been better for her if I had had been homseschooled or farm raised, I'm sure, instead of training intensely at my sport for up to five days a week. We were fortunate that she was sweet, forgiving, and really enjoyed people and travel, and had my mother home with her every day along with the dogs and cats (monitored, separated, flighted). Birds who do well with kids are rare, but growing up being danced around and flying recalls in my gymnasium and coming to school on pet days meant that she was gentle and calm even around toddlers who beat me and their mothers to stick a finger in front of her beak (quiet, calm kid who didn't actually poke her, just really fast). She would demand to be included in certain dance moves which involved much clinging and flapping, actually! It was undoubtedly stressful, but she seemed happy and was certainly enriched, and stayed with her one flock her whole life. She would grind her beak and nap on my knee during university classes.

So I suppose it can work, imperfectly, but it needs to be a lucky combination of a child who does or will make a commitment to a bird who has chosen them, and parents willing to keep the bird themselves, for their kid or if the kid loses interest, even if the bird does not like them. That requires an unusually dedicated family, in my experience. People rehome for lots of reasons, and "bought for kid who lost interest, hates me" is one that I have read more than once on craigslist. I'm grateful that my flighty-kid periods were short, and that my sibling and mother were always involved, even if not as closely as I generally was, so that I could grow into the relationship properly and fully return Suk's dedication, eventually. Also, young birds are so much more intense about everything than confident, settled older birds, so pairing bird and human childhoods is just very energy intensive for everyone involved. Her one antagonistic flock relationship mellowed enormously over the years, but imagine if she was, say, an amazon instead of a little conure. Danger in the drama!

I am basing most of the one person bird assumptions on them being hand raised and wanting to pair bond with a human. Recent mini-flock formation decreased her stress over my course schedule (lots which she could not attend), but she remained very much bonded to me and only her sweetly tolerant self to Mer-bird.

[pukeko]

I think the parent has to be willing to step in and do it for them, actually, especially if the kid gets the bird at an extremely young age or has intensive learning or sporting commitments but still loves the animal. If the family acts as a flock (read, parents are there for the bird), I think that makes growing into the commitment possible. Sure, there are kids with horses who do everything for them, and those kids would likely do well with a parrot, too, but as a much more common pet I think a better model is the more supportive one which is more adaptable for multiple types of childhoods. Kids can commit, then wander off, then recommit, then get accepted to a desirable program, or otherwise diverted, but parents who remain the default carers can make it work. And I think that that holds true for all animals and children, not just parrots. I was fortunate enough to have a parent who is very into animals and makes time for them, though.

[ParrotsForLife]

Actually, I don't mind helping, but I stop when my helping starts turning into I am doing it for them.

I wouldn't mind helping either but I would rather them do things themselves instead of depending on me to do it for them.

[ParrotsForLife]

I think the parent has to be willing to step in and do it for them, actually, especially if the kid gets the bird at an extremely young age or has intensive learning or sporting commitments but still loves the animal. If the family acts as a flock (read, parents are there for the bird), I think that makes growing into the commitment possible. Sure, there are kids with horses who do everything for them, and those kids would likely do well with a parrot, too, but as a much more common pet I think a better model is the more supportive one which is more adaptable for multiple types of childhoods. Kids can commit, then wander off, then recommit, then get accepted to a desirable program, or otherwise diverted, but parents who remain the default carers can make it work. And I think that that holds true for all animals and children, not just parrots. I was fortunate enough to have a parent who is very into animals and makes time for them, though.

Im sure all parents would be willing to step in I know I would but thats the point if your child depends on you to step in and help all the time then they really aren't ready or responsible enough to own the bird.

[pukeko]

In my case, she only became my bird once she chose me and for a little while, refused to have anything to do with anyone else :p She was not bought specifically for kid-me, but her choice, my choice, and my family's support meant that I could grow into the commitment necessary for a bird, a commitment which none of us really knew about when we brought her home.

[Chantilly]

it's even worse because keeping a parrot takes such a long term commitment and amount of knowledge and work that a child cannot possible cope with it and have a normal childhood, too. So the practice ends up been not only unfair to the bird, but also unfair to the child.

Thats why I everyone looks at me like im a wierdo!

I would be very different without my birds they make me smile and laugh everyday they are great company.I cant even remember the last time I was out with my friends but we still talk but my birds mean a lot to me and I love them so much.I am more responsible than my older sister and I just grew up responsible.I wouldn't mind if my child wanted a pet bird or any pet as long as they were responsible and respected it and took care of it and didn't depend on me to help.

I am the same here, but I wouldnt mind givin a hand, but my child would have to do the majority of the work.

[Chantilly]

Actually, I don't mind helping, but I stop when my helping starts turning into I am doing it for them.

Yes, agreed

[Wolf]

Pukeko , Thanks for the different point of view. I must admit that it is somewhat different than I think in terms of and for me at least it is worth considering. Thank you.

[pukeko]

Wolf, thanks for considering what I have said. I just think, given the popularity of birds as pets, that it is more realistic to propose a full family involvement model, in which the parents are educated default carers for the length of the child's dependency. It makes more sense to have two or three people committed to the bird over such a challenging and often unpredictable span of years than only one, and it means that the bird is far less likely to get into the rehome circuit than if the rules are "if you can't care for it, it goes." Hopefully, it also dramatically increases the number of savvy parrot people out there (2-3x!!!), as if there is full engagement it means we won't wind up with quite so many well-informed kids who overestimated their ability to commit fighting against the archaic, misinformed or uncaring positions of their parents regarding handling, feeding, habitat, vet care and more when the parents do wind up caring for the bird for a spell. That intergenerational husbandry/knowledge fight, which has as much to do with lack of parental engagement/commitment to "my child's pet" as much as lack of a good parrot education, is something that I have seen more than five times on this forum alone.