Closure advice

[bepo]

Hi folks.

Just need a bit of closure here as I am struggling to deal with the death of my parrot.

I had a young Indian Ringneck, the family all adored it. It loves playing walking up and down pillows and using the top of a pillow as a perch.

A few nights ago, I had the bird running up and down my bed while I was finishing off a few emails. I had always turned to look at it every minute.

Suddenly it disappeared and I called for help to try find it, I was panicking thinking it had fallen in the mattress gaps or ran out of the room. Between all the panic and asking the family to help find it, it was hiding in the pockets of one of my pants. During the ordeal, clothes were moved out of the way and eventually the pants were put in a corner with a few shirts and towels stacked on top.

After 15-20 minutes, I decided re-check everything and move the clothes and I noticed the top layers of the towel were getting warm and I knew the parrot was under it. After finding out it was in the pocket, the parrot was still alive, but barely moving.

As it was new years day and 10pm at night we rushed to an emergency vet hospital (unfortunately they werent avian vets). Within finding it in its state and travelling to the vet, it started to regain all movement, flapped its wing a few times including regaining its bite (all within 10 minutes or so).

The vet had checked the bird and said it had no broken bones, its neck and wings were fine, and lungs and breathing were fine. The only issue it had was regaining its reflexes, it was stumbling to perch properly as if it was drunk. The bird looked extremely tired as its eyes were red and its eyelids were heavy, it was also trembling.

We had the option of taking it home, or leaving it overnight in a tank to provide extra oxygen where the vet would monitor him over night. I chose to leave it overnight as I thought being oxygen deprived for that long, it would help regain its health.

2 hours later, I had received a call from the vet saying its reflexes isnt improving. I had asked, is it because the bird is tired, young, wanting to go to sleep it would not be feeling its best. He advised me he was concerned it had possible 'brain swelling' and would be giving an injection of medication to help ease any pressure in the brain. After that phonecall, I had recieved another one that an hour later my parrot had passed away.

My question is, is this unusual after showing signs of strong recovery within 10 minutes, all for it to die an hour after it had been given medication? Should I have taken him home? Could birds sustain brain swelling after being depleted of oxygen?

A friend of mine, a parrot owner had stressed to me that he would never bring a parrot to a regular vet, only an avian vet, but understood my situation as it was an emergency.

I am in no way trying to pass blame on the vet, I am just looking to be educated on the matter to give myself awareness and to have a sense of closure as the scenario just keeps replaying inside my head.

Any comments are appreciated.

Thank you.

[liz]

Your baby was probably hiding how it felt. The instinct is to hide weakness from preditors. He did not have a preditor but it was still engrained.

I have seen many get better just before dying. It must be like the last effort to hide from a preditors attention. My mother was filled with cancer before she was diagnosed. She was a strong woman and would never show her pain. She got down to were she did not even communicate. Then one morning she woke up and told me what she wanted for breakfast. She was animated to the point of being silly and we all had a wonderful day. The next day she was gone. I have seen it in critters but never in humans. I was amazed.

You had no idea that something was wrong. He did not let on until it was too late and his instinct was to hide in a pocket. If you had not been so attentive he would have died there.

It is hard, very hard to let go of a loved friend. It is harder when it is so quickly. Now you wish you had been playing with him instead of just letting him play beside you. You feel you should have known and done something that it would still be with you. You did nothing wrong and there was nothing more you could have done. We mourn and beat ourselves up for not knowing what was happening. That is normal but it is wrong.

My last two losses were: Sweetie who was fine then when I looked the next morning she was dead at the bottom of the cage. I still miss her and I believe the rest of her flock still misses her.
I believe that most of my flock must be very young. Someone in there laid eggs. Not knowing what to do with the eggs the whole flock took turns sitting on them. Retweet died while sitting on them. I have no idea why. His feathers were really messed up and I was thinking all kinds of thing that I would have been responsible. Wolf relieved my mind by saying the feathers were probably roughed up because the others tried to pull him off the nest. But why did he die. Why didn't I see something. Because he was hiding it. There was nothing I could do but I still feel remorse that I did not help him.

I tell others to let themselves mourn and ignore the people around you who say he was just a bird. If they have never loved a bird they have no idea how you feel. Then I tell them that as soon as you can don't let your love go to waste and rescue one who needs you.

I am currently facing a situation. My cuddly cat Squeekie who was a ferrel kitten when I got her 7 years ago is missing. It has been more than a week and I still expect to see her waiting on my bed for me. She thought she was my Teddy bear and slept under my arm. What I suggest to do does not work. I spend most of my day wondering where she is and hoping she was stolen instead of having a bad fate. I am going to have to rearrange my bedroom and hope that it helps me.

Well I went beyond what you asked me. My memories have flooded my mind.
Yes it is common for them to have a spurt of energy just before death. I know you wish you had been with him in his finale. Because of how I feel right now I have no more info on how you should deal with your loss.

I am just the first one to get back to you. Others will follow and hopefully will have the comfort you need.

[Pajarita]

First of all, very sorry for your loss, my dear. It's always hard to lose one but to lose a young, apparently healthy one in such a bizarre way is harder.

I don't see why hiding in a pocket would kill a bird or cause 'brain swelling'... Personally, I would have had an avian vet do a necropsy to find out the cause of death but that's neither here nor there because it's too late now. I am afraid that you will never know what really happened. But, if you ask me, you did the best you could under the circumstances.

[pukeko]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my parrot to ovarian cancer.

Could partial suffocation caused brain swelling? I'm sorry I don't have any answers either, and it probably is not best to research it too much, though if you feel you need to, do, just be gentle with yourself and take frequent breaks so that you can reevaluate how you feel about looking into such distressing things. It may be comforting, or it may be comforting for only a short while, or it may be something you don't want to actually do once you try, or not want to try. Research is only one form of coping - you have to find yours.

For me, photos and videos helped the most, and having my family and friends around. Not necessarily talking, but around and available for holding a hand or passing a tissue or looking at a photo. I found that I didn't always want a hug, but when I wanted one I really, really wanted one. Friends also sent me all of their photos and videos, and shared their favorite stories about her.

Actually, storytelling is probably one of the best ways to grieve with others, and to help process things in a way that can reaffirm the good parts of your relationship with your bird - perhaps you and your family could get together and each share one of your favorite stories about your bird? I'm sure there will be some that surprise you, and hopefully some that will make you laugh and that will be so familiar that your heart aches, but in a slightly better way. And feel free to tell us some stories about them, too. Here is one of mine:
I have a young cousin who lives nearby and is a very serious, articulate child. When she was learning to speak, one of her favorite things to talk about was "Pukeko's bird Suki" - she pretty much only ever said my name when she was talking about Suki! Suki was very gentle with her, once she was old enough to be gentle back.

[liz]

That kind of "wake" is common in the north. Southerners don't seem to do it. Usually at the last viewing in the funeral home the shock of loss really hits. Friends and family cluster around and start talking about the good things they remember. Some can even bring laughter though it seems to be frowned on in a funeral home. Talking about the happy things in the past tense does bring comfort and closure.
You will have your memories of him forever and will continue to talk about things you remember years from now.