i feel terrible about this

[Eurycerus]

But i am beginning to think that nika just may not be the parrot for me. The lady i got her from says she rarely bit her and never bit people who interacted with her. It really makes me unhappy to have a parrot who can't interact with other people and who i do not trust. We work together every day and she has learned to target, wave, and turn around. She's smart and cute but I'm not sure that's enough. I am willing to continue trying but i may have made a mistake. The lady i got her from did say i could take my time and return her to her.

A small addition is the lady said she never bothered her roommates with noise but nika has days where she screams a ton. Neither of us reinforce this at all so it's perplexing that this is a new bad behavior. I turn on music and ensure she has plenty of toys and that seems to help. The reason she got rid of her was because she woke up early but she wakes at eight or so not six. feel misled.

She has been pretty good with me and then yesterday she decides to try biting again. Oddly enough it her crankiness started right after she flew over to me. She flew a little over a got. She is determined to fly which is great. Thankfully the bite was not as hard and i ignored it but I'm definitely frustrated. I feel like a failure but i want my boyfriend and mom to enjoy my parrot too. I've learned a lot of dos and don'ts but because she bit them it may be difficult to impossible for her to not bite then again and they are not interested in interacting.... She is not a bad parrot but maybe a bad parrot for me. I expected difficulties and bad habits but biting for reasons unknown to me other than maybe to try and be king of the house and territorial attacking wasn't what i expected.

[Khaiqha]

Hardly any bird will ever be like what you expected. I expected my second ringneck to be like the ringneck of my childhood - sweet, gentle, quiet, etc.

She is most definitely not any of those things. I went through a one month period where I regretted having her. Then I realized the bird didn't need to change, I did. I started appreciating qualities unique to my new IRN - she was an evil genius, she always sought me out when she was scared, she would wake me up in the morning by gently pulling my blanket out, etc. In the end I completely switched from regret to absolutely cherishing her. Over time she became cuddly, and her negative attributes either disappeared or I didn't care anymore.

I have a new alexandrine, and sometimes I regret him too. Compared to my IRN, he's as dumb as a rock. He doesn't like trick learning. He freaks out if you even look like you're going to pet him. Sometimes I just wish I had gotten the Nanday at the store instead. But I've only had him for less than a month now. He's slowly growing on me, and I'm starting to appreciate his unique qualities as well.

My advice to you is to reexamine your expectations. All living things have wills of their own, and will never completely be what you wanted. Instead of focusing about what you don't like in the bird, look for the things you do.

[pionus]

i had the same problem with my budgie. he was a wonderful bird, but i dont think i fully understood what i was getting into. thankfully i do now.
i agree with khaiqha. look for things that you like, focus on them, and try to make your bird as happy as possible. you get out what you put in.

[terri]

Try giving this 3 months at least before you make a decision[also make sure your not spoiling her]rethink your schedule.Sometimes I think birds need to be taught when their first weaned to go to more than one person.It doesnt surprise that rehomes tend to favor one person and tolerate others[ares can be like that].But that doesnt mean you cant develop a great reltionship with her overtime as you learn about each other.To soon for this thought[I would not give her back to that lady, think about the bird] GOOD LUCK

[Eurycerus]

Thanks for the wise words and support. She was sweet yesterday which made me feel better. I think she may have been under the weather.

I am going to start to make her forage more for her food and that might help too or at least with some of her problems. I will continue on. Hopefully i am providing a better home than the last place. I'm still annoyed if what she said is true about the biting. I can't think of what i did to start the pattern but whatever she can unlearn.

Also excuse my many mistakes. Writing posts with Swype technology results in quite a few confusing sentences. Hehe....

[Grey_Moon]

Unfortunately, people get into thinking in this idealistic fashion about a lot of interpersonal relationships with anything alive, be it their pets or their lovers or friends.

Thats why people are so unhappy. Perfection does not exist. That is step one to overcoming this sort of 'well I got the wrong pet because she does everything wrong and has XYZ pages one through 10 of negative qualities'. Reality is Nika probably has some really good qualities that you are overlooking because you are so focused on what she is lacking from your 'my ideal bird' list. As a dear old flame of mine once said to me, 'Are you willing to fold the hand you have, for the POSSIBILITY of a better one?'

Your boyfriend, may be for example sweet and kind, but he could be lacking in the physical attraction department. OR he could be the most attractive person out there, but in return be irresponsible and a jerk.

Your pet may not be the coolest, smartest or most interactive BUT in return has other qualities you would not find in the 'coolest, smartest or most interactive' pet.

If one keeps searching for perfection, one will never be happy because the grass will be always greener somewhere else. Jacko is goofy, cuddly and very affectionate----do I wish she was a flight-trained, non-plucking einstein who I held meaningful conversation with? Sure! But she will never be those things and a bird who was those things would never be what she is or has.

That said, there are ways to maximize the harmony between your bird and you. This will take time, and effort. Much like moving in with someone for the first time, the period of idealization wears off and you begin to focus only on the differences and there is a period of struggle wherein your own wants and needs vs theirs come into play and reality sets in. You will need to set groundrules, compromise and adapt to each other.

If I remember correctly you have had her less than a year yes? The honeymoon phase of 'omg my new bird who will always be my best friend and will talk a ton and be sweet and love me and...' is over, and now you are beginning to see Nika differently. Its not that she has changed, but she is no longer the physical manifestation of your real-world fantasy (wherein you transfer all your hopes and dreams of your ideal pet bird onto her and stop seeing her for herself).
The first year or two with Jacko was HELL---not because she was a bad bird, but because I lacked the skills and knowledge to communicate with her. Plus, she didn't know me, I was not familiar with her and neither of us had a clue on how to get what we wanted from each other or how to live together. There was no trust and no familiarity. Now---we're like old friends. I know her very well and how to deal with her. She knows the same. We both know how to live with each other and get what we need or want without driving each other crazy.

Its the same with relationships with people.

Now---that said---could it be possible long-term that you guys are not compatible? Yes.

But at this stage I would keep the fact that the rosy-coloured glasses are coming off in mind. It might seem like the grass is greener (or that other birds are better) but that 'sweet baby bird who never bit and loved everyone just like I wanted' could very well end up like this too. Don't go chasing after the fantasy of perfection and forsake what you have. Because EVERY BIRD will go through this stage, and it will be difficult.

Key is to have patience, communication, ground rules, a game plan to deal with problems and keep your perceptions in check. There is a reason she is doing what she is doing---do NOT just label her a 'bad bird' and abandon her---things can be worked on. Also keep in mind her previous owner had her during her easy baby years---and got rid of her as she started to mature (ie when stuff got difficult). SO its probably not 100% true she never bit---it probably means 'she never bit until overnight she just turned into a monster! she hates me now so she has to go!'

Hang in there!

[Eurycerus]

Thank you Grey Moon! She does have very charming personality traits and it seems like we may be able to work through things with patience. I always doubt myself and my choices. Until everything goes right it's a failure in my eyes which I realize isn't a great trait. :/ I know she's not a bad parrot I was just concerned that maybe we are a bad fit. However 3 months sounds like a good time frame to shoot for.

She mimics like crazy and appears to be quite intelligent, picking up tricks quickly, like targeting, wave, and turn around. She knew phrases and words from her previous owners but has picked up a coughing noise (I was sick), "What're you doing?", "Yeah", a terrifying baby/child cry from the neighbors (she only whips it out when I'm moving her cage back into her night night area, pretty funny), to add to her arsenal of "Pretty Bird" (she says this when she's in courtship mode, I don't encourage it but it's cute), "Hello", and miscellaneous mumblings. It's pretty impressive. I actually didn't want a bird that talked because I was afraid they'd repeat the phrase over and over but she mixes it up with her chattering, beeping, and peeping thank goodness. So those're her mad skills.

She's a huge busy body when she's not napping/resting. Regardless I'll just wait and see if I can reintroduce her to people in a more controlled manner. *sigh* All the things I was prepared to handle she has no problem with. :]

[ginger]

Please consider a one-on-one consultation with Michael before you give up with your bird. I think you could benefit greatly from the experience and I'm sure it would help you have a better relationship with your bird.

[cml]

Keep at it, and dont give up!
We will help you along the way and give you support (thats what the forum is for, and I've gotten a lot of help and support during the past year )!

[Grey_Moon]

In the life of a parrot and in long-term relationships---three months is nothing.

Would you feel comfortable about knowing whether or not you were ok with and truly understood someone in three months? Probably not.
I would say give it AT LEAST a year.
Realize that even in a good match it can take longer than that to iron out all the kinks.

Patience, grasshopper, patience .