Burnout

[Grey_Moon]

Thanks so much guys ^^

Its' winter n holiday time is approaching so that never helps the mood for someone with estranged hurtful family and its nearly the one year mark of my miscarriage. So yours truly is a little bit wobbly. I apologize if I disappeared on you all btw.

Jacko's my girl and I'd honestly die for her---I think like anyone the guilt is what gets me feeling bad towards her, not her. She's honestly such a sweetie (as I say this she's beak-grinding and making happy-eyes on my shoulder, preening my hair in between catnaps) .

I'll try my hardest to get off my case (I'm bad at that, darn type A perfectionist personality). I think more than anything I get scared I won't be able to care for her 'adequately' (which you know means to the book impossible perfection standard---lets not talk about what it means to care for her 'excellently' ).
Feeling like I'm a failure, like I can't care for my baby girl who I promised to love and protect plus do it all with a darn big happy smile on 24/7 (and I swore that I'd never ever let her get hurt like she was again)...that's rough for someone like me.
I need to feel capable.

But I suppose its learning to breathe a little

I guess I've just got typical mum syndrome I feel greedy and selfish for wanting a pair of pants....just ones that aren't torn at the bottom, with holes or stains....
Heck, maybe in March after the bills are paid

[terri]

Didnt you just add a job that starts at the crack of dawn to your life? So if your doing job,school,you,sickfamily ,bird,werent you splitting from your guy? and worries about income.I would have plenty of days where I would want to hide and say I cant do this too.I have a very full plate everyday.Sometimes I just do whats the most important issue [when I get to overwhelmed] and I say to myself its ok somethings got to give[and I dont mean the bird].Your a very smart girl you can tell by your posts[and your looking to take on the world]With that kind of drive I would think your making smart choices in your schooling .Not only with the most efficient way to get through it.But how its going to help your income.You know this wont be forever.Its better to do it now and not later .Jacko seems such a positive thing in your life.Look for great moments with him and enjoy your bond [not everyone has that]

[Grey_Moon]

Thanks Terri,

Yeah I suppose I guess I'm the type of person who looks at my overflowing plate and goes enh its barely full why am I griping?

[marie83]

Yeah I suppose I guess I'm the type of person who looks at my overflowing plate and goes enh its barely full why am I griping?

I'm much the same like "what have I got to complain about when xxxx is going through xxxx, why aren't I coping blah blah blah....?"

Doesn't matter much really though, I had to have several people say to me that someone elses cancer doesn't take away your own toothache (even if the reality is that its actually the other way round) and 2 years spent doing CBT after my breakdown has helped to some extent. I still have really dark days don't get me wrong but there are fewer of them than there used to be. If you ever need an ear feel free to PM me.

[Electic]

I don't know if you're familiar but I recently added a male a few weeks ago, so I have a female and male, he's very similar to Shyla when she was growing up, cage/playstand and not much time spending with me, and the typical 'what are you doing with your hands' and that really hurt me, I tried everything in my power to build a positive relationship with my female, and the picture speaks for itself, and the male is going through the same cage/playstand, what are you doing with your hands phase, not much quality time I really spend with him because he chooses not to, so I don't force it. So again, going through the discouragement, he also developed a fear of Shyla, inside the cage they are the best of friends, talk to each other, glue themselves to the closest side to one anothers cage, but outside he fluffs up and is in strike mode. I know it'll pass, but it seems so far down the road and makes me think it won't pass.