I know that this sounds hard, but this was for the best, so I am glad that you got to see this first hand because now you understand why I first suggested that you just go ahead and catch him and move him, in the long run you have done no damage to either of them and you have saved the female a lot of needless pain. But from a human perspective, I am sorry that you had to go through this event.
Now for the long post that you have been waiting for, the one about hand taming them. You need to approach this without any time expectations on either bird as they will progress at their very own rates and in their own manner. The very first part of handtaming any bird is to gain their trust. You will find that this is a very large part of how I do this because without this trust you will have nothing but a couple of little balls of feathers that bite a lot, not what you are after. It is good that they are taking treats from you right now as this will help them to reach the place that you want them to reach much quicker. Still it is important that you do not skip any of the steps, even though they may be doing what we are asking of them, their repeating it will only reinforce the behavior.
This takes about 10 minutes with each bird as you need to do this like training sessions of 10 minutes each two or three times each day. Set your self up with up two three pieces of sprig type millet for each bird. Or you can just use a long piece that you can break off pieces from. You approach the cage watching to be sure that the bird is relaxed, if the bird acts nervous then retreat a step or two. It is important that you be talking to your bird at this time and that you use its name and give a lot of good bird type of praise as well. For this beginning part you will approach probably from the side of the cage depending on how the perches are set up. the bird will probably go to the highest perch in the cage and for this should be close to eye level. you just talk and praise the bird using its name and then offer it a piece of the millet through the bars of the cage. the bird ideally should come and calmly take a bite of the millet while you are holding it. If the bird does this then we can move on ahead if not then you need to talk to the bird for a while and again offer the bird a bite or two of the millet. This will be repeated up to three times during this birds session. if the bird take the millet, then good, but you have to pay attention as running in and grabbing a bite is not good enough what you are looking for is for the bird to come and calmly take a bite of the millet and remain there while it eats it and to calmly reach and take a second bite and eat it calmly.. when you are finished with this session leave the last piece of the millet in its food dish. If the bird does not came and take any of the millet it is still important that you leave a piece or two of the millet in the food dish when you are done.
Once you have the bird calmly taking the millet from your fingers through the bars of the cage then on the next session you go to the cage and open the front door of the cage and begin talking to the bird just as in the previous step but when you offer the millet you do so at the door of the cage, at no point during the session do you reach into the birds cage. You need for the bird to come to you and calmly take and eat the millet and then to calmly take and eat the second bite. Again you only do this up to three times during the session. When the bird is doing this you can consider adding a different session to work on target training or you can proceed with holding the millet at the cage entrance in one hand while the other is still only at the doorway but the bird has to stretch just a little to reach the millet or step onto your hand with at least one foot in order to get the millet. Again it is important that you talk to the bird using lots of praise and its name.
This is how I get my birds to become hand tame. the bird will only do these things in the manner that I have said ( calmly) if it trusts you and it will only step onto your hand or finger if it trusts you. Should you choose to add in the target training here is a link that will take you through the basics of target training leading up to the step up.
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=227Do this with both birds and let them learn at their own pace. Take your time and enjoy the process and the interaction with each one of these birds.